tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-853682237352618533.post7428373656872687194..comments2024-02-10T03:14:06.389-05:00Comments on Shell Shock Serenade: Holding On In The HOLIDAYSthormoohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14453569102275795203noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-853682237352618533.post-66565488210947111852012-11-21T21:14:57.040-05:002012-11-21T21:14:57.040-05:00I can totally relate to the question: "What t...I can totally relate to the question: "What the hell do I do with myself now". I got loaded every day...during the last 14 months or so, K-Sue and I were high on Coke and an assortment of prescription drugs along with drink. We'd party for 3 days straight then our bodies would give out and we would collapse...then lay around a day and start the cycle over again. Some one who doubted my story once asked how I could go through $50,000 in a year doing drugs...Thats how! I was buying 1/4's and 1/2's of Coke every other day. Someone would tell me they had a gram and i'd just laugh..."what the hell am I going to do with that?! It's basically a big line!!".<br /><br />After my suicide failure , subsequent time in a coma, then a long stay in hospital...I was clean but I was not stable at all...all I knew how to do to entertain myself was do dope and drink. It took a really long time, several years really Ian, before I felt someone OK during family get together's like during the holidays. But I kind of wondered EVERYDAY, what I was going to do with myself.<br /><br />Basically what I did even though I initially did not want to was hang out with other people in recovery. I learned a new way of living based on being of service to others. I was so selfish, spoiled and self-oriented...i acted like I cared about other people but only if there was something in it for me. I got over that and eventually something deep inside changed and one day i realized that I had not had a craving for drink or drugs in a very long time.<br /><br />I wish there was an easy remedy I could tell you about my friend, but you have to want to be sober more then you want to use...to this very day I often can't believe that I have been completely clean and sober for nearly 6.5 years now and i rarely think about using.<br /><br />I've been reading your posts and I like how you have been active, enjoying family and friends. I say do your best to be you and enjoy the season...try to skip being high on Christmas (hey you can always make it up on New Years if you have to!). I jest of course.<br /><br />Here in America, tomorrow is a huge Holiday, Thanksgiving Day...everyone has Thurs/Fri off work and basically eats and drinks themselves to death with Roast Turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, Pecan and Pumpkin Pie and various spirits. Then we all lay around full fat and satisfied watching Football on the Telly (American Football of course. I am still allowed to eat so this is a Holiday I still very much enjoy!thormoohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14123682411248034307noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-853682237352618533.post-29490128613125159612012-11-21T20:25:34.179-05:002012-11-21T20:25:34.179-05:00I agree, that the holidays can be difficult for ad...I agree, that the holidays can be difficult for addicts, for me its never been about being depressed though but its all just part of my pattern. I have been high every Christmas since 2005 and with the holidays approaching, I have been thinking 'What the hell do I do with myself now?'Mind Of Minehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09112890718925524313noreply@blogger.com