SWR (Sun Will Rise)

Ahhhh, another sunrise (behind the dark clouds somewhere, I'm sure) another day and yea, a new opportunity to find some peace and serenity. Typically I'm pretty good about staying positive, even in the face of adversity but I have my days, such as yesterday when I just want to scream...and so I did.

Now I will move on.....

All about nothing....

Torrential rain today, all day. Combined with this lingering sense of discontent and repressed anger, it is creating a disturbing scenario, with my rage just starting to bubble to the surface. It reveals it's fear, wrapped in hate...lashing out in tongues, wagging. I just feel pissed off....about nothing and just because.

ODAAT

Today, the 10th day of May, 2010....a Monday. Nothing exceptional really about today. It was typically cool, though sunny barely reaching the high 50's and a brisk SE wind was blowing most of the day. But underlying the obvious normalcy of the day is a hint of promise...

For me, it was just another day waiting for the rest of my new life to continue taking shape. An odd thing to say? Maybe but it's really not such an strange comment when one is essentially beginning their life over at the age of 47. A new financial situation and budget parameters. New medical insurance and the possibility now of having new procedures and surgeries that promise at the very least, a bit of hope of having a life w/out so much physical limitation and pain.

I'm now convinced that my "temporary" move from Holland, MI to Coldwater Lake is in reality more like a permanent move now in hindsight. And it's more then cool with me. This island was my dream, a virtual paradise for me as a young lad and now I get to live here, honestly never imagined that would happen.

Accepting such a drastic change in one's lifestyle, expectations and long term goals wasn't nearly as traumatic as I once envisioned. It all happened rather naturally when I decided to get sober...and healthy.

The actual decision...er, uh..choice to get sober was a rather easy one to make once I was realistic about my alternatives. I either stopped drinking and drugging or I was going to die. I actually thought I had made the choice for the latter but fate intervened and WHALAA!!.....I was somehow choosing life against my will as it were. And I can't even begin to explain how grateful I am that it worked out that way.

If I have a complaint today it is that I am not a patient man...and yep, I am still waiting for certain things to happen before I can totally complete my transition to this "new" world as it were, that I now will live in. I have never been one to trust success...I'll wait for the other shoe to drop and everything to go to hell in a hand basket. There is part of me that is just skeptical that perhaps, after 5 long years things have truly worked out for the best. Intellectually I can see it, it's logical and makes sense. But trusting that it it will indeed happen is  is a completely different matter. Acceptance will take time...

65 years gone

May 8, 1945  Victory in Europe Day: VE Day

No, we haven't forgotten. Yes, time has faded a lot of the physical scars...of the wounded soldiers and civilians, of the destroyed cities, towns, villages...the torn, bombed out and scorched earth of Great Britain, Russia, Eastern Europe, Western Europe, the Middle East, Italy and most of that part of the world. The lights have long ago come back on in Europe after those many years of darkness, the Thousand Year Reich but a horrid memory, drifting slowly away on the swirling smoke of memory, thank God.

And at that time, 65 years ago today, we mustn't forget that the World War was in fact not over, not by a long shot. For the many US soldiers and Marines who were at that time fighting a hellish battle against the Japanese on Okinawa, VE Day meant little to nothing. "Their" war was still very much alive and consuming lives at a horrific rate. To them it seemed that this horror would never end until death...their own death. For them, the war would last another 3 months....an eternity to a rifleman.

But for a large part of the world, peace was at hand. A great tragedy was starting to end...the healing could begin...to begin. America, my country, rejoiced...millions of service personel would be coming home..they had survived. And a great many families would look to a peaceful future...without that cherished brother or cousin or father. They were still holding the line at Casino...or in Normandy, at Bastogne or in the Vosges Mountains. Perhaps they were resting peacefully entombed at the bottom of the North Atlantic, a countless victim of the U-Boat menace that now no longer existed. Those families had to find a way to move on...alone, into a very different world.

So as I sit here tonight, I think about all those who served in that war. And those who waited at home for them. How grateful I am that I live in a country that so selflessly gave so many of it's young so that the world could be free. Thank You....

All around us....

A stormy night in S Michigan....kind of fun to watch the rain sweep in across the lake. And it's certainly better then being out in the same freaking rain, that's for sure.

Not sure why I started off that way tonight because frankly I feel somewhat discontented. And I'm going to blame the TV on said discontentment. That's rather ironic actually since I watch very little of it myself. Sports, mainly college FB and some ML Baseball...the Weather Channel, History and Discovery Channels, stuff like that and again, not very much. But and this is a huge BUT here, The TV is on in this house most of the waking day thanks to my father. I share this lake house w/my Mum and Dad in the Spring, Summer and Fall if I haven't mentioned that before.

Well my father, who I love very much insists on having that bloody, fucking TV on all hours of the day. If that weren't bad enough, he has to have the sound on even if he happens to be out of the room. This really blows because he is half deaf so the volume is MAXED out to boot. Pretty annoying right...I mean most folks would find that disturbs any realistic chance of having any serenity at all in the house when he is in it. Oh yea, that's not the kicker....he basically watches only one TV station...anyone care to guess which one it is?!

FOX NEWS? FUCKING BINGO BABY!!!!

Now I am actually rather open minded when it comes to politics and, er..uh pretty much everything else really. I am not registered to any political party and I always vote for the candidate who I think is the best fit for the post regardless of their affiliations. I tend to be somewhat liberal in certain ways and yet I am also conservative in others. I don't get on any one's ass if they happen to feel strongly in their political point of view. I just want my view and right to choose it to be respected as well.

And the purpose of this blog tonight isn't to debate or put forward any particular political point of view. It is however a chance for me to spew on about how freaking sick I am of hearing FOX NEWS. Jesus Christ, give it a rest all ready. I mean fair and balanced?! REALLY, how do they figure that. Hey as far as I am concerned, they have every right to broadcast what they want. I happen to think it's a good thing actually.

And really all I am saying here is I disagree with their opinion that they are objective. They are not...they push a very conservative agenda...and that's cool with me. It really is...I just don't like them telling me it's a balanced reporting of the news because in this day of the 24 hr news cycle, every network is biased, has a very specific agenda and pushes it vigorously. To gain money, power and influence is the name of that game, simple.

I feel the same way about MSNBC or CNN or NBC, ABC, CBS ow whoever....they are free to report what they want to report, however they want to report it. That's not an issue with me. I  think I am being fair and balanced when I came to the conclusion a long time ago that all of the Networks and their Suits are liars. They lie to gain popularity and influence....that in turn generates money which also gives them more influence and power. Their goal is to control. That's the way I see it and I couldn't trust them all any less. And again I accept it for what it is...

Now back to Fox. So basically I'm only singling them out because that happens to be the Network er, ah....politics of choice of my parents, mainly my father. He's not stupid, he says he likes watching them because they are conservative and attack liberals, who he doesn't care for. It's that obvious to him....why shouldn't it be to everyone else?

Well, for me the sickening part isn't so much the politics...as I've said, I feel everyone has a right to their opinion even if I happen to think they are ridiculous. That's what freedom of choice is all about. What drives me nuts is the way they drive home the same tired points of view day in and day out. Taking things out of context, stirring up the emotions of their viewers with suggestions that the enemy (IE: whoever they don't like) are trying to take what's theirs and take over the world. They scare the shit out of honest people with out presenting actual facts. I know we live in a dangerous world and that there indeed are folks who want to destroy our way of life but this isn't the way to deal with it in my opinion....

 They also have turned former mediocre political hacks like DICKMO (Dick Morris) into some sort of conservative super expert who always seems to have it all figured out. Only he doesn't, all he does is emotionalize, criticize and use scare tactics...seldom offering any kind of solution of his own. His entire agenda, night after night after night is to push his latest book. 

Now I don't watch MSNBC (hell I actually don't really watch FOX either, I'm a captive audience) but I would bet that the very same thing goes on there, only playing to the liberal point of view. I have no doubt. And this 24 hr news (and Weather now) isn't going to go away, nope... this shit is only going to get worse. It frightens me that a large majority of Americans are forming their opinions on Foreign Policy, Civil Rights, The Budget, Health Care Reform, etc. Etc. based solely on what some TV Network tells them to believe. Folks like Lincoln, Churchill, Robert Kennedy, Thomas Jefferson, FDR and others are all rolling over in their graves tonight.

People are sheep, blindly following one another over the edge and into the abyss...

Not dead...me thinks.

Have I been busy? Yea but I usually am so that's really nothing new. I've had ample opportunity to write but frankly I just haven't much to say.

When I started blogging I didn't realize that I would very quickly start to feel obligated to write something pretty much every day. And for a time that is exactly what I tried to do.....and the blogs became somewhat if not mostly uninteresting, even to me.

Even now I can't really define what I was trying to achieve in writing this blog. I assumed that I would capture my thoughts, feelings, opinions, etc. and just take it from there. At the very least I would have a bit 'o fun and and hopefully improve my limited writing ability. Along the way, I also threw in some fiction that I had been dabbling with, throwing it against the wall as it were, just to see if it might stick.

In considering all this, I realize that I am writing a blog that has no singular, defined, specific purpose and perhaps it would be better if I narrowed down what I am trying to do here to a specific set of goals, it might prove more interesting, at least to some.

But that is exactly what I was trying to avoid when I started.  What I really wanted to try and capture was the wonderfully haphazard way in which I process what I see, what I experience, feel, hear, think....you get the drift. And sadly, I haven't really come close to achieving anything close to that up to this point. It bothers me because I was certain that "IT" existed, that there truly was something there worth writing about...

Then I realized that the problem was that I have been holding back. I haven't been honest in my attempt to capture the truth as I experience it. I was intellectually and emotionally censuring my own work, basically out of fear of what people would think. Fear that if I did people would see me as I really am and perhaps I wasn't truly ready to do that. And there lies the rub....

For this blog to be true to my vision, to represent TRUTH as I experience, feel and think it, I have to be courageous enough to say what's on my mind w/out worrying about the reaction of others to it. And perhaps better yet, say it and challenge others to respond to it no matter what. I simply wasn't confident enough and if I am to continue I must not worry about the reaction, instead focus on what I can control...my thoughts, feelings, opinions, etc.

Well now, that feels a bit better getting that big 'ole hear turd of outta the way! I could not figure out why I was not feeling good about this blog...and now I know: It wasn't honest and that just wasn't going to work for me. I have decided that If I am going to continue this endeavor that from this point on I have to remove the restraints of fear and be my caustic, sarcastic, loving, humorous, opinionated self, warts and all. Some folks won't like it but hey, that's the way it has to be.

And so, I will begin again and see where it takes me....

The Old Breed

The Old Breed....1st Marine Division. It's also the name of a book written by Eugene Sledge, motorman with the 5th Marines (K/3/5) at Peleliu and Okinawa. I have read more military history books then I could ever count and this is absolutely one of the finest ever.  An incredibly moving and detailed account of those two battles from the grunts point of view.

Sledges story is also featured in the 10 part HBO Mini-Series "The Pacific" currently playing on Sunday nights at 9pm. I recommend it to every single person who lives in this country. No kidding, I really do. If you see it you will never look at one of our U.S. combat veterans the same way ever again. It will also bring new meaning to phrases like "They served our Country" or "Fought for our Freedom".

Most of us hear those phrase's all the time, mostly from politicians. But very few folks know what "fighting for our freedom" really looks and feels like. This film, in a very small way shows it...and it is horrifying. I watched the 7th episode tonight showing the last 20 days or so of the battle of Peleliu. I'm still in awe....

I also have to say something about guys like Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks. Those two have done more to portray as honestly as possible what World War II looked, sounded and felt like through film. At a time when our own history is being "revised", "White Washed", "Watered Down" and made politically correct, they have the balls to show it like it really was. And show the American Soldier, Sailor, Marine, Airman as they really were.

I attended my oldest nieces graduation today from E. Michigan University. I suspect that most of those students graduating today (accept those in and familiar with the service) do not have any realistic idea of the sacrifice that were made on all of our behalf. That also goes for a large part of our population today I'm afraid. I'm not sure that will ever change but shows like "The Pacific' do a great service in giving us a slight "glimpse" of what "sacrificing for our country" really looks like.....

Going back

My father turned 80 years old on Saturday. It was really a cool experience even though we were in Cincinnati at the U.S. Nationals Dance competition for High School girls. My sister's two youngest girls are both on a dance team from Dayton, Ohio.

I thought that I'd would hate the whole thing but found it interesting and was actually entertained by all the stage mom's (including my sis) hovering 'round living vicariously through their daughters. I sort of felt like I'd fallen into the Twilight Zone but then realized my father was there as too and all was well.

We took a break from all the dancing and went down to Dayton Kentucky, just over the river from Cincinnati and visited the neighborhood where dad grew up. Wow, what a cool place, just 2 blocks from the mighty Ohio River.

My grandfather was the superintendent of Dayton Public Schools and was recognized for two things he did for high school sports in the city. First of all, he hired a recent college graduate in 1933 to coach the boys basketball team and teach History. His name was John Wooden...yep, the same John Wooden who went on to become the "Wizard of Westwood" and lead UCLA to 11 National Championships.

The second thing he did was to install lights on the Football Field....Dayton High School was the first school in Kentucky or the Cincinnati area to have a lighted football field. Because of these achievements and many others educational as well as athletic, the school board named the field after him. Significant to me not only because my grandfather had a football field named after him but his name was unusual and it became my middle name: Olin.

I realize this blog entry is mostly for my own benefit (aren't they all really in the end?!) but I really have come to cherish my memories of the past. I've always loved history and that includes the history of my own family. It was a special way to spend a couple of hours with my dad on his 80th birthday.

Then it was back to the arena for another few hours of screaming high school girls, ach....

Sitting in the dark....

Sitting here in the dark feeling frustrated because for the first time in my life I have a case of writer's block. I just have not been able to come up with anything worthwhile to write about lately. And I don't want to write just to write so I sit....here in the dark.

Actually it has been a rather rough time the last couple of weeks. Nothing serious, I'm just transitioning to a different way of living and there are frustrations inherent in that change...that's just the way it is. And of course things aren't happening fast enough to suit my preference so I have to be patient. Definitely NOT one of my strong suits though I have gotten a bit better in that area as of late.

I have to admit that I'm also dealing with a fair share of fear of the unknown. When I started working full time at 18 years old I can honestly say that I was not thinking about the prospect of retiring at 47 yrs old. I also hadn't planned on being seriously injured along the way and dealing with such a battered and beaten physical situation at this age either.

It's funny in a way but I sense things are working out exactly the way they are supposed to. I still have good health and it's getting better every day. Physically I do hurt a great deal but you adjust to it and frankly, there isn't much I can't do within reason. I can still enjoy my mobility to travel, exercise, hike, do some swimming and  kayaking, just getting outside everyday...things that have become more important to me as years go by. I just have to be reasonable in my expectations of things...not an easy task for a dreamer who also likes to dive into things w/out thinking about it first. But I'm starting to get it and 'ya know, life is getting really good these days as well.

Not many people get another chance in life...no way I'll blow it off. I'm enjoying a new perspective, new opportunity and yes, new challenges. It does feel a bit weird but I like it. I never knew in the old life how much I was missing...sad but true.

Well, it's going to be in the 70's again today in Michigan after 2 days in the 80's so I have to get on with my day and get outside....

Trudging a happy road...

Well, I have an interesting problem I'm working through right now. I need to plan what I'm going to do for the rest of my life or at least the foreseeable future. It's weird to be starting over as it were at 47 years of age but in this particular case, it's a good problem to have.

I almost hate to mention this but I just recently retired. It really wasn't my choice and initially I was not thrilled about it but life goes on so I got on with it. I know there are a ton of things I'd like to do and doing more reading, traveling and volunteering are all definately part of the retirement plan. Problem is I am already busier now that I "officially" don't work then I was before. Finding time to fit in other stuff is already a challenge but hell, that's what retirements all about, eh? It's cool because there is just so much cool stuff out there to do and after spending the last 30 years with the 'ole nose to the grindstone, it feels good to do work I enjoy so I'm sure I'll be able to figure this out....

I have given some thought to going back to college but frankly I've always found history teachers/profs a wee bit boring since I often know as much and often more then they do on any given subject. Plus I'd rather trudge a muddy battlefield in torrential rain then sit in a classroom on my ass any day!

I have a buddy who has led tours of Ypres and the Somme Battlefields of the Great War (yea he is a Brit) for many years and I'm thinking that sounds like a good way to spend some of my free time. I think he already senses I would like to tag along  this summer or maybe next if my beat up old buddy allows it. I may have to just do the driving, mostly...

Seeing those hundreds of Great War French, British and German cemeteries in N France and Belgium, some holding over 13,000 graves each just absolutely humbles me every time I've seem them. I've never seen so many cemeteries in my life...just unreal. The American WWII Cemetery at Omaha Beach  and Great War Cemetery at the Argonne are just as awe inspiring as well.

I have a sneaking suspicion that between trudging those fields in Europe and continuing to cover all the Civil War battlefields with my son Ian will keep me going for a long time to come...