Turned Around

I am  feeling completely turned around right now emotionally. I'm running a fever, much like I did for the entirety of last summer and I am pissed because it is for the exact same reason: My leg is badly infected.

But for reasons my close friends will understand...I am not going off on the usual tangent tonight about my health or medical issues and I am particularly not going to make any kind of comment about Doctors and the way they practice medicine these days.

I'm extra emotional this night because a friend is quite ill and I care about him and his wife.

Honestly I marvel at the fact that after all these years of pain, suffering and the many attempts to suppress my emotions by drinking/drugging them away, it totally shocks me to my very core that I still have the ability to feel and to care about others.

As a matter of fact...it is only that ability and willingness to love and care for people that has allowed me to retain my humanity throughout all of this inhuman treatment and experience and for that I am grateful.

Sorry my friends....no rambling monologue tonight, just prayer for my friends Mike and Kathy.                    

Guardians of Hypocrisy & The Simplicity of Caring

I seem to have gotten myself in a bunch of trouble again and now folks are upset with me. Good...I'm doing just what the LORD has asked me to do. 

Think I'm kidding? I only wish I was because the personal cost of this burden of using my own life, my faults, my mistakes, my miserable experiences as an example to others by writing this blog can be humiliating, humbling, painful and embarrassing. Especially when all the self appointed GUARDIANS of Christianity and The Church attack me for supposedly throwing fellow members under the bus. 

Please read more carefully, my friends...the only one getting thrown under any bus around here....is ME. Multiple times....by the way. But hey...if it opens one's eyes and HEART then It's my great PLEASURE. That's the bottom line....if it helps folks...and the feedback I get emailed to me every day says it does then I am happy to do it.

Yesterday I wrote a post that admittedly was not one of my best works. I know that. But this subject matter (money, caring, communicating, honesty, reaching out for help and suicide, etc) is extremely difficult to get one's arms around and it has a tendency to make people misinterpret my entire point in addition to making them angry and defensive. They focus on the manner and not the matter. In other-words they don't like how I communicate it, they get defensive and they miss the point because of their emotion.

One rule here on Shell Shock Serenade and you can check this with the over 1800 previous posts...I never criticize anyone or anything on this page even remotely close to how many times I've criticized myself. And more often then not, I am criticizing myself here and my own behavior or reaction...not somebody else's behavior or reaction.

I got wordy yesterday so I will try to narrow this down. Jesus said in Mathew 22:36-40 -

 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a]  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b]  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

So he said "Love thy neighbor as thyself" ....And that my friends is in essence what I am talking about here. When someone is communicating their hurt, do not let the subject matter overwhelm reason and negatively color what they are saying.

I was specifically writing yesterday about money, medical bills and being in debt. I am in extreme debt do to my year-long medical issues. I need to talk about that, otherwise I will hold it in, isolate and frankly, it is so troubling me that I could decide I don't want to live anymore.

But the moment I bring it up, people automatically think I am asking them for money. the responses have become tiresome and predictable:"They say they don't have a magic wand or they tell me in great wisdom that one can't put a price on their health. They will give me such sage advice like only pay $10 a month and tell them that is all you have, what can they do?"

I'll tell you what they do, they call every 10 minutes from 7a until 10pm seven days a week. They called and harressed my 80 something year old parents, one guy calling my mother a "Mother-F***ing Bitch" for raising me. The putting a price on your health is a clever line but I don't need to put a price on my health...the hospital, Insurance Companies and the Doctors AREADY HAVE...and they want it YESTERDAY and will get Collection Agencies to do their dirty work for them.

This is my point: I don't want nor need advice or jokes...there is NOTHING remotely funny about any of this. I do not need a lecture about how to be responsible with my money...I AM responsible with it...I have bills and I am trying to pay them like I am supposed to. I did nothing wrong except apparently get hurt. I did not mis-manage or overspend my money...no I paid or tried to pay my bills.

Lastly....I am NOT telling you this to make you feel guilty...I am in no way asking for money from you. Just  your friendship and love. Just listen.....it is important for people who are hurting to be able to vent this stuff.

People talk about starting caring ministry's at church...stop talking about it and do it. I have a friend who once was an Elder in our church, he has a caring ministry and doesn't even realize it: It is very simple and critically important...he takes people like me who are hurt to their doctor's appointments...any time, any place.

It takes little true effort and NO money actually if you want to Love Your Neighbor...just care and help out. Maybe they are lonely...go for a chat and a coffee. Shovel a driveway....just take the time to call a shut-in a couple times a week.Folks we complicate this when we do not need to. Just do IT.

Lastly...people do not have to pretend to be perfect or something we are not. This is one of my favorite quotes from Pastor Kyle Idelman's Ministry, Notafan: 

What Christ wants in a follower: Someone who isn’t pretending on the outside to have it all together. That’s one of the ways the word hypocrisy is defined, as “the act of pretending.”

www.notafan.com

I couldn't agree more....

You Are NEVER Out of the Fight

This is gonna be brutal...sorry everyone. I'm hurting, I received very bad news...a good friend continues to hurt along with his wonderful wife and I am hurting about them too.

Humility is not my forte, I assure you. My friends and family will verify this. But over the years of my recovery....I have learned that along with acceptance, it is the critical, MUST HAVE ingredient to getting better: Admitting I am at fault, accepting that I am an  alcoholic and I cannot fix my problems or anyone else's and that only GOD Can.

Before I go on I guess I'm gonna spill my guts about something and yes, it is very honest and the subject matter is not very nice or pleasant. Suicide, suicide attempts, thinking about suicide and what people do when they start to feel physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually bankrupt.

There have been a couple of times during the history of Shell Shock Serenade where I have written posts when I was in deep shit all across the board above (Emotionally, Physically, Psychologically and Spiritually) and feeling seriously self-destructive and like it was time to quit on life. I am not proud of that but I have had some serious emotional pit falls in my life (most notably after being sexually assaulted as a pre-teenage boy).

I do not feel that way today but I have learned something from my own experience when I tried to take my own life and from the experiences of others....particularly two friends who succeeded in killing themselves.

The first tragic thing family and friends do is look to blame themselves. Frankly though....I have found that it usually is not someone elses fault. But I will tell you something else I have noticed. People will say: I can't believe he did this...I NEVER knew, he kept it to himself. Really? I know I may be out of line saying this but I doubt it. I suspect he left clues somehow some way. Even if it was just a very subtle change in the way he lived or spoke or drove.

I have learned from my own experience that the best weapon against suicidal thoughts or self-destructive behavior is to talk or write about whats happening to me. That's right people....that is how SHELL SHOCK SERENADE was born. I learned that by not holding back...by being open and honest all the time, I nip any chance of feeling that much despair & pain in the bud.

When I request prayer from my church prayer line, for example....well I hate asking for any kind of help, with a freaking passion...so if I would request help from someone, like with my financial difficulties (I have had nearly $26,000 in OUT OF POCKET in Med bills I have paid or need to pay like A MONTH AGO!) it is because my back is against the wall and I am desperate. Time is critical.

I already feel isolated, like the world has set itself on top of me with it's FULL WEIGHT and I am being crushed. I am not actively thinking about giving up and taking my own life here but I HAVE thought about it several times recently wondering if this wasn't just too much to bear. My life has been on hold for a year now while I suffer, terrible, physical debilitating Pain 24 hours a day, seven days a week with NO END in sight. The psychological, emotional and spiritual side effects of that are devastating to me personally to my friends and family who must then live with this raging, emotionally damaged person they just so happen to love. Even for a person like me, who has a strong relationship with GOD, this kind of pressure is the ultimate test of sanity.

It isn't pretty and it is getting more difficult for me to find any joy in living...it has become a life of surviving. There is no adventure, no fun, no mischif or laughing....just getting through one hellish day after another with NO END in sight!

I am not going to quit and I am not asking for my life to be any different then any body elses life but I would absolutely be lying if I did tell you that I am not being worn down by this Mad Season....more then a year of suffering, the terrible isolation and the fear that in reality, I am never going to heal just totally kicks my ass.

What I am saying here is that as friends and family...we need to listen harder, pay more attention...be a little nosier with those we love...particularly if we suspect they are deeply hurting, covering up that hurt and are in trouble. Don't wait to find out that your love one did the unthinkable...because the unthinkable is now happening at an incredible rate in the United States and it isn't trending back down any time soon. For Cemeteries...particularly Military Cemeteries...Business is GOOD! 

I know that I am never in a place too dark or too bad that God cannot save me. He has already rescued me from DEATH on one occasion and from myself on several more. But that doesn't mean that I am not troubled....I'll be honest here. People tell me they want to help me...I don't believe them. The help I need right now is Medical and financial....desperately.I believe what they are really saying is they want someone else to help me...just not them.Or perhaps it isn't that sinister and they really want me to be helped but it is beyond them to do it. Hey...I can understand and accept that.

What I cannot accept are people who pretend they are helping...being very visible on Facebook about praying for me and my family. The moment I try and share my trials with them...they freak and run & hide behind cliches, excuses or decisions made by somebody else like the church, for example.

The Doctors will always follow their own patterns and behaviors....frankly it often seems like they could care less. My current physician on the other hand does care...I really believe that. But I have another infection now and it is serious. It took 3 hospitalizations for a total of 14 days, 6 months and an Ocean of IV and oral Anti-Biotic to finally prevail....and now it has happened all over again.I would be dishonest if I denied that this latest discovery hadn't pushed me further and further out on this ledge I've been standing on.

I asked some folks for help several weeks ago and I have heard nothing back from them...no update, no answer...they must have forgotten about me. it is thr Remember how I just wrote a few minutes ago that time is critical...every day that passes, creditors harass me and my family.

Dealing with my overwhelming medical bills is the toughest part. No matter what your circumstances...people will act as if you were irresponsible...that it's your own fault that you cannot pay your medical bills. They will change the subject, avoid talking to you about it. Everyone thinks you are asking for their help or trying to "guilt" them. I have seen it a lot. I understand their rational. Hell, I have gotten myself in financial trouble before and I wasn't always very understanding when people wanted to talk about their problems with money.But that is NOT The situation here. If I was a child my plight very well could have ended up in the news. But since I am an adult....I some how caused all this and I am avoided like the PLAGUE.

But you know what....sometimes when a person is under an unrelenting, CRUSHING financial burden...complete with phones calls literally every 10 minutes for 7a -10p,  threats, name-calling, their family being harassed...it really helps to talk to someone who cares about me....to just be able to get it off my chest....get out from underneath all the pressure even for just a few minutes.

I mentioned before how I hate to ask for help....even more so when it is help with money. It is embarrassing even when it is not your fault. My medical bills for 2014...actually from February 9 until December 31st, 2015 were over $129,000 total with a hair over $28,000 being out of pocket therefore it was expected to be paid immediately. People who have never been there before some how become great at giving debt relief advice...hey tell them all you can pay is $50 a month...they have to take it. WRONG....no they really want a minimum of $300 per month and won't settle for less or it will go to collection and they will make your life a living HELL. And they do...trust me! Oh and then there are 6 other business's that want it that same way plus 4 who will take $100/month and another 3 that will take $50/month. 

Needless to say every last bit of savings I once had is gone. I had to sell my beloved Ford F-150 pick up truck for FAR less then it was worth, I've sold antiques, family heirlooms, art work, all of my guns except two shotguns and a .22 rifle. And that did not begin to scratch the surface. 

My parents, GOD love them, have helped me tremendously even though they are in their 80's and live on a VERY fixed income. That still didn't scratch the surface. I'm still making ridiculous payments and now a new wave of bills have hit thanks to my latest surgery and hospital stay.

What did I do to make this happen? How was I negligent? I fell on February 9, 2014...that is all I did. I HAVE Medical Insurance so I had surgery....it got infected and the real nightmare began: many more days in hospital, several more surgeries...we discovered my Neuropathy caused my ankle bone to deteriorate and that had to be fixed. My crime folks was trying to pay my bills instead of declaring for bankruptcy. 

I was rebuilding my life after divorce and addiction....when this started I had $3800 in the bank, several nice investments and a storage unit full of a house full of furniture and antiques. It is all gone except for a bit of furniture. 

What people don't realize is when I am asking for financial help, as I did about a month ago after my minister talked me into seeing it was the right thing to do, I was already in deep trouble. I am already getting harassed, the phone rings off the hook, my family in addition to myself are being verbally threatened. YEA, my 80 year old parents are being called names when some moron calls them at their home on their own phone. I do not use their address or phone....how do these animals get my parents information? And there is nothing I can do but wait for answers. It is de-humanizing, humiliating and almost more then I can stand.

So that is the deal...All I can do right now is basically wait here while all this harassment and threatening is going on. I have not even a dollar I can put toward another payment plan. It affects my faith, my emotions, my relationships. Even though I have never belonged to any political party...I have always been fiscally conservative but it makes me freaking SICK to hear people who are very well off talk about health care and reform like they have a clue. NO, they do what I did when I had a fantastic career and was well off financially. I resisted all change because I had mine and screw everyone else. Hey...it's human nature. I did it myself and I suspect the Good Lord gets a chuckle about it when he wonders if I have finally learned my lesson.

I have...trust me I have...unfortunately it was much too late to help several people I really could and should have when I had the resources.

Please don't blow people off...they might just need to vent. It may just save their life....

An American NINJA

Ah yea...all of you folks who thought you knew me and have never heard me mention my interest in Ninja's and stuff. The Ancient Warrior caste and all. OK....I'll come clean...the Ninja I am talking about here is a high powered BLENDER for making soup, smoothie's and power shakes, etc.

About 6 months ago I got obsessed with this notion of eating better by being able to take things like fresh spinach, frozen berries, bananas (the ingredients above), apples and oranges etc. combining them with Vanilla Almonds Milk to create an amazing way to quickly and easily DRINK my fruit and vegetables.

The ingredients above are from a smoothie call "Golfer's Juice". Here is the recipe but it's really easy to improvise with this:

1 cup of almond milk (vanilla)
1 Banana
6 Dark Cherries (frozen)
1 cup of Spinach
1/2 cup of red berries (frozen)
1/2 cup of blueberries (frozen)

My family and friends were skeptical that I would even follow through and continue to use my new NINJA Blender but I have. for me it was simple...I had to be honest with myself. When I asked myself the question WHY I wasn't eating more vegetables mostly (I already eat a great deal of fruit) and some fruit, I knew the answer was i was too lazy to take the time and make the effort to cut up the fruit, cut the veggies, etc. Blending them together and then having this great meal drink I could take with me was fantastic and saved a lot of time.

I love it and now I really don't want to live without it. I cannot wait until I can walk/run again so I can take this interest in heath and add some intense walking or running to it. So for now I'll make smoothies and continue to heal but the Spring is coming!   And I am really ready to get going...for SURE!                                  

NIGHT

During the nearly 11 months since my initial injury and subsequent treatment attempts, surgeries, hospitalizations, etc and now the 11 week recovery period with no walking what so ever, the days are long, sometimes difficult, always painful yet mostly tolerable....the nights however are just plain HELL.

Oddly the pain intensifies...or so it seems. More then likely I am just more focused on it because there is nothing but me and the quiet NIGHT....so there is nothing to distract me from thinking about it all constantly. I have never been able to adjust and get more then 20 or 30 minutes of sleep at most during this long ordeal.

So I find myself alone with my imagination...we do not make good company, I assure you. I get fearful that I will just not recover. That I will be a cripple...doubled over with arthritis and nerve damage pain from my Nueropathy.

It is seemingly a good time to strengthen my faith in the Lord yet I find myself questioning HIM more and more often. I get fretful and don't communicate (PRAY) with HIM even though I know how well that works when I've practiced regular prayer & meditation.

I know people care yet I feel isolated from my friends, from my family and society as a whole. I often feel alone in a crowd and for the first time since I started to attend again...at Church. 

Yet it is the night which HAUNTS me most...driving away any rational thought with pain thus making room for irrational fear to move in and control my mood and my behavior. It is a constant struggle to stay connected with my Creator and keep it together.

And yet I often overcome that adversity, thank GOD! And those are victories I will take any time...any day.

PHOTO: Kathy Tomson

The REAL Me

I have always looked at myself as a person who is pretty aware of the things going on around him. Particularly the behavior of people but also the environment in which I live. It is personally quite interesting to see myself and my life through the eyes of others. Recently I have gotten some direct (face to face) and indirect (unsolicited) feedback on how well I seem to be doing. As much as I think that my life is an open book it amazes me how little people really can tell about how I am and what I feel inside at any given minute. Even after reading posts in this blog, people still misunderstand how I am & what I am feeling.

There is a tendency in our society to put a positive face on everything so when one is honest about their feelings in a forum such as this blog...it is often misunderstood

Another Kick In The TEETH, Yet I'll Keep Smiling!

To say when it rains it pours in my life would just repeating another cheesy cliche....or would it? Because it sure does seem like it applies to my life.

I went to see an orthopedic surgeon yesterday to have him check out my left knee which has been bothering me for a really long time, especially since I am unable to use the other leg so all the pressure is on that sore knee. Verdict: I have a torn cartilage that will require surgery to repair...go F-ing FIGURE,eh?!

In my heart I knew I had a torn Meniscus (cartilage)...and I figured I would have to have it repaired. But still, the reality of it began to set  and I started to feel a bit snake-bitten again...It felt once again like a major set-back. Here we go again...if it can go wrong then it WILL go wrong.

Yet somehow, deep inside the negative feelings were not taking charge. I began to think that in the realm of the bigger picture this latest discovery was in fact no big deal. The reality is that arthritis has set in and has really progressed. Truth be told I could need a full left knee replacement right now. It is obvious that I am going to need one some day...more then likely in both knees and both hips. But not needing to face that issue right now is a huge positive.

After letting the Docs words settle in a bit I asked if there would be any benefit from  receiving a cortisone shot. He said typically it might only be a few week benefit but from my point of view that is exactly what I needed so we went ahead and did it.

I am glad we did because even after 36 hours I feel some relief...it took the edge off for sure.

So now I have to verify the diagnosis with an MRI (scheduled for 1-6-2014) and then wait. I obviously cannot have this knee fixed until I can walk on my other leg. Obviously with the kind of physical life I have lead, finding out that certain joints and body parts are wearing out should not really be a surprise.

My Dear Friend, EP

As one lives long enough in this life of ours...there are rare times that perhaps we are fortunate enough to meet someone whose mere appearance in our life CHANGES us forever for the better. They are the Shining Stars of Humanity, touching others with their wisdom, kindness grace and blunt, honest nature.

Evelyn Pierce was one of those people in my life. We met rather late in life, she being nearly 90 and I was approaching 50. At first glance we had absolutely NOTHING in common. Yet that couldn't have been further from the truth.

I have written here that I just in recent years became a Christian...Evelyn has been one all of her life. It was her encouragement, grace and good nature that allowed me to organize and run a Bible Reading Group at the Assisted Living Home that she just recently moved into.

Just a few short weeks after becoming a Christian...I got this outrageous idea that I should volunteer to read the Bible to people out loud. It was an impossibly brave if not crazy idea since just a mere month before I was by my own description....a God HATER as well as a Christian Hater. By what right had I to come in to this peaceful place and read the Bible to strangers for an hour each and every Saturday morning after breakfast.

Shortly after I visited the place with my friend and Pastor Shayne to speak with the activities director and got permission to go forward I got major case of COLD FEET. I was convinced I was out of my mind and frankly many friends thought so as well.

This is when Evelyn, who I had never met before asked me to stop by her room the coming Saturday morning a few minutes early...she wanted to pray for me. I was flabbergasted yet I didn't have the heart to tell her I was going to chicken out. So I stopped by that Saturday morning and every Saturday morning after that when I read. 

I really got to know her and she really taught me about living a spiritual life. This woman who had been reading the Bible her entire life and could still read never missed a reading. I know she came solely to support our reading ministry. And it flourished to my amazement.

Early this morning Evelyn went home to meet her God and nobody I know that knows her is sad about that...we are all so very happy for her. She lost her husband decades ago and tonight they are together.

The tears we cry today are for ourselves because we are no longer fortunate enough to be able to spend time with her. But how blessed we are for knowing her. 

So long for now Mrs. P....I'll never forget you.

Photo: Kathy Tomson

Recovery In the WINTER

Most repeat readers and friends of mine know that I have been through Absolute Medical HELL this year with it all beginning on the night of February 9 with a fall at home and a badly broken Tibia directly above the right ankle. I had surgery the next day then proceeded to have everything & anything that could go wrong....go horribly wrong.

The incision from surgery allowed infection to enter the picture and for the next 7 months I was hospitalized (reluctantly, I might add) 3 times before the "Medical Experts" began to make some progress, still I was very, very ill. I could have died. Eventually, I spent 8 days in hospital receiving a hardcore regimen of IV Anti-Biotic while undergoing every test known to man that checks the bone for infection, the heart and all my other vital organs. In the end, after 8 months after it began...the infection seems to be in check.

Of course my injuries were still not fully taken care of...it seems I had a major issue that was not even accounted for originally. The Fibula on the right leg was literally crumbling where it meets the Ankle bone to form the Ankle joint. It was so sudden and so serious that I was faced with the real possibility of having my right leg removed 6" below the knee. The alternative was a very complex, low percentage, long recovery procedure to fuse the ankle together after taking several bone graphs and cutting the fibula in two. I would be unable to walk on that leg for at least 3 months and only then would we be able to find out whether the procedure was successful or not.

I chose the fusion and currently I just passed the two month mark since the surgery. It is really tough right now because I feel so helpless not being able to help myself or do something as simple as go for a walk. I can honestly say that this is the first surgery/recovery where I have followed the recovery instructions to the absolute LETTER of the law. And yet I still feel very uncertain about it.

I find it funny how one goes through this progression of thought and expectations. I had a very ambitious time-table and just new that I would recover very quickly, just like I always have whether I had just had spinal/back surgery or my tonsils out. I was sure that I would be able to play golf by the time the Island course here opened in April or so.

Today I am not even sure that I will ever be able to walk again based on how I feel. I still have amputation to fall back on and frankly, I was given the choice to go through a preparedness program for amputation, meeting with other amputees, hearing their stories and seeing their quality of life. It is more then likely that if I had gone that route I would be walking right now with a prosthetic leg and probably doing really well. But you never know...a persons body can reject them...then what?!

But for me in my situation, where I am already on disability and have time on my hands...it made perfect sense to play it conservatively and give the fusion a try. I have had a ton of support and as I said I can always amputate if necessary.

The real challenge right now is boredom and sense of purpose....I struggle to stay interested and engaged in life all the while staying off my GOOD leg to preserve it as well. It is often a minute by minute process to get through the day when there are no visitors...no work or play. It is surreal because with most surgeries at this point the Doc is encouraging one to move to exercise to get on with it. That is not at all the case hear, they want all their boys back in on piece and healed up fully.

I have known for some time that I have bad hips...with the left hip requiring replacement surgery sometime in the next year or so. I have a very sore and painful left knee that I am having looked at tomorrow. Since it is the only leg I can put weight on until my ankle fuses together, I am not a candidate for surgery because I wouldn't be able to get around at all. Ahh...it's always something isn't it!

DUCKING Brilliant!

A lot has been said and written about the comments made by Phil Robertson, Patriarch to the Duck Dynasty clan who has the most popular Reality TV Show in the history of the genre.

For those of you who don't know the Robertson family are Christians and the show has always been very upfront about that. They pray at the dinner table and talk of God and Jesus is common place.

Phil was quoted in the latest GQ Magazine expressing his Christian views on a wide variety of subjects including Sin and what that means to a Christian. In doing so he made statements that particularly when they are taken out of context can be taken to sound hateful and intolerant. It is critical here my friends to get the article in GQ and READ IT, in it's entirety. Having read the entire interview which comes across as playful and positive...it is my opinion (an opinion, BTW that does NOT always agree with what Phil Robertson says and believes)that Robertson was simply stating a traditional, Southern Conservative Christian point of view and certainly was not trying to incite hate or intolerance. The truth is quite the opposite...really, he was expressing a basic, Christian belief about Sin, Eternal life and LOVE. Love being the key element here...

But this is not really my field of expertise but I do see Political Correctness running Amok here with A&E suspending Mr Robertson INDEFINITELY  (permanently?) though their major advertisers such as Under Armor and others such as Walmart have come out in support of Phil's right to express his belief's. 

I believe GLAD (Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders) has used their very powerful and visible lobby to BULLY many individuals, corporations and organizations in the past as if to punish people they simply disagree with using Lies, out of context quotations, scare tactics and disinformation, so far out of proportion with the TRUTH that it often destroys careers, business's and lives. 

This brings me to the point of this piece. There was nothing that Robertson said in the GQ interview that he hadn't stated HUNDREDS of times before in a multitude of speaking engagements and sermons. The difference is that this time he picked an International audience in GC. And yes I  wrote "he picked" because I think it is possible that he intentionally picked this place and time....in GC Magazine to throw himself under the bus and make a stand for what he believes in. He is much too intelligent to not have know the consequences of making such statements in that magazine. He is intelligent enough to know that these actions on his part will create a politically correct firestorm bringing unprecedented attention to the beliefs of Christians...still a majority of people in America today. It will also force A&E, Sponsors, Fans and viewers to make a choice...In his mind it is an Eternal Life-saving Choice. the alternative to him is nothing short of eternal damnation.

And take a quick look at the ruckus he has brought forth by doing so. This has been the lead story in the news for nearly a week now. Millions of people have weighed in with their opinion, including Politicians and the rich & famous.

What an extraordinary act of courage on his part. He has forced the A&E network to make a choice as well as many in the media, big business and around water coolers all over the United States. It will be fascinating to see how this all turns out.