When Nightmare IS Realiy

Sitting in the therapy office... required because I have chosen to get off Methadone pain therapy after 14 yrs. I have not had a drink since June 6th night 2006  sober for almost 12 years .  So needless to say this is strange, unusual  and perhaps even unprecedented. It is a very long story longet than I want to work out today in this particular blog post. I've been off of methadone for almost 3 weeks.  Thanks to a friend I transferred to another narcotic pain medication for a week to make the transition to Suboxone doable. I have been on the Suboxone over a week and to put it nicely it is a living hell.  For those who are informed, Suboxone is an opiate narcotic that does not relieve pain and does not allow one to take other pain medications without getting deathly ill. There was a very legitimate reason that I was on pain therapy: neuropathy, 6 ruptured and cracked disks/vertebra in my back.... a right below the knee amputation.. needless to say even breathing hurts. Such is reality...I often wonder why I've chosen to do this but frankly I'm sick of being on any kind of medication. Seriously I'd rather be dead. The methadone worked very well, I have had a nice life where I  could do physical things, take care of my responsibilities. I'm frightened because I'm afraid without some sort of treatment I will be confined to a wheelchair or at least I SHOULD be but I'm not sure I'll let that happen, there are other options. Hope you all have a nice day...