The following piece was written because I am increasingly disgusted by the behavior of our Government (and by that I mean BOTH parties, on all levels), Broadcast/Cable News and by people providing inaccurate information on social media. I am not going to get into a pissing match with Democrats or Republicans because I hold both parties responsible for the mess we are currently in as a society.Why? Because I believe that those in the Government along with the giant news outlets and others only believe in consolidating or seizing power. It has gotten to the point that there is nothing productive being accomplished because both parties are too busy finding ways to discredit the other.
I don't want to post this but feel compelled to because I am frightened at what we have become as a Country, a so called "civilized" society and a Human Race. We have come to accept TV News and Social Media posts as TRUTH and NO ONE questions it. That is very scary indeed...Honest to God this is the last thing I wanted to write about again but I am emotionally moved by current events to do so.This is not the first time I have addressed this issue but I feel compelled to speak my mind once more.
I am a survivor of sexual assault by at least 3 grown men in the summer of 1975....I was 12 years old. This occurred in a public place, I was attacked from behind, violently beaten and raped. It was the single most defining event of my life and ultimately that one single moment nearly destroyed me. It was a full 15 years before I ever mentioned this to anyone. Now nearly 44 years later, I still suffer from the horror of that day....The memory has never gone away, no matter how hard I tried to forget it or tried to drink it away. That never worked so I eventually sobered up 12 years ago. I see it in my own eyes every time I look in the mirror....I suffer from nightmares and I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I am currently seeing a trauma therapist to once again find a way to live without that horror. I once attempted suicide to make the memory finally go away. I obviously survived and in my eyes that inability to kill myself just increased the self-hatred, the anger and feelings of being a failure. It was and still can be....a living nightmare.Yet somehow, deep down....a part of me still remains hopeful. Hence this blog post.
I finally spoke about the assault when I was 27 years old. I unexpectedly blurted it out in a private conversation with a friend from work. She was a good friend, very caring, a good listener and one of the very few people I trusted. I really admired her because of the way she conducted herself after suffering major trauma herself. She was a survivor of continuous sexual molestation that spanned more then a decade. She was abused by an aunt (her father's sister). She once admitted the fact to her parents and siblings...no one believed her. They told her she was crazy and a liar...all things I secretly feared myself. She was telling me about some of her memories when she obviously set off something in side. This was the emotional shove that compelled me to open up. It's funny but she told me later that she had always suspected that something bad had happened to me ...little did she know.
My sudden revelation initially caught her off guard, actually we were both surprised. I had no idea that I would ever speak those words out loud...to anyone. After I shared my experience in some detail she let me know she believed me and cared about me. That shook me because I had always felt so much shame for letting IT happen to me. It wasn't long before she realized that I was sharing something I had never spoken about before. I owe her a great deal of gratitude for being there for me because that dirty little secret was burning a hole in my soul. It was getting bigger each and every day I remained silent and in denial.
Survivors, including myself tend to have a 6th sense or a heightened bullshit detector when it comes to others who have had or claim to have had similar experiences. For some reason I am always skeptical about such claims when they come out in the press particularly in politically motivated situations. I find it difficult to trust anyone and I never trust the media/social media.
I am writing about this today because of the the unconscionable politics that have become business as usual in our Government...ON ALL SIDES. Naturally I am aware of how damn tough it is to even talk about this subject. But I am also aware of the awesome responsibility of merely accusing anyone of such a crime. Not to mention the traumatic experience of a survivor being manipulated into the public arena and having to recount the worst moment of her life.
I have no opinion on this current case...both parties SEEM sincere and proportionally emotional. The simple fact is that it isn't my job to make that judgement, I do not know the facts so I won't. But what bothers me is that politicians and the mass media are manipulating people and this situation to gain power. As a survivor...it trivializes what happened to me. It is those 3 men laughing at me all over again. I hear them laughing every day in the echoes of my memory.
I do not doubt for a second that this whole mess is about political power. I have come to abhor the way our society is mislead and controlled by the MEDIA, ALL media...particularly Network/Cable News along with social media responses by the public at large.
The quick rush to judgement and strong opinions on social media, all made with little or no factual basis is frightening...on both sides of this situation. Also scary is how angry and divided we are as a society, as citizens of this country and ultimately the planet. The human race and our society specifically from the top to bottom has become sick and sad.
I am not a member of either political party. As I stated above...I do not fully support of either side of this argument because I honestly do not know what to think or who to believe. There are only Opinions...not facts. And the majority of these are provided and manipulated by the press/Social Media. What I do know with certainty is that I don't believe the Network or Cable News because they are nothing but manipulators of information to gain their own power and influence. Anyone who uses the media or social media to formulate their beliefs, personal, political and otherwise is an idiot...and consequently, a sheep being led to slaughter.
Like many I have seen the nasty political maneuvering of both the Republican and Democratic parties for at least the last 26 years. With each day it degenerates into chaos more and more. I know I am not the only citizen of the United States who feels like NEITHER party comes close to representing my point of view or beliefs. I understand that no party or person is perfect. But it would be nice to have a choice that is realistically close. I don't see that happening right now...
Though I don't believe for a second that this will ever happen in my lifetime, I do think having a strong and viable 3rd party in this country could help create a need for more cooperation. Certainly it would prevent one party from having a majority and force parties to work together, like they should be doing in the first place. Why? Because that would be in ALL Parties best interest. Therefore re-focusing the members of our government on the wishes of their constituents...That is US, the American people.
In my humble opinion....what has been happening here in Washington this summer and before this has NOTHING to do with Victims of Sexual Assault or a Supreme Court Nomination...it has solely to do with each party trying to consolidate/hold or seize POWER. And it's ordinary human beings living in this country that get screwed.
What I find equally shocking is how many people buy into the bullshit. Historically speaking that is a very dangerous phenomenon. If you don't know what I am referring too, I suggest starting the Autumn of 1917 and work your way to the present day...historically. The TRUTH will smack a person in the face....but only if you are HONEST with yourself.
I do not like using the worst F-ing experience of my entire life to make any kind of point because...I do not like to think about what happened to me, re-live it or immerse myself in those feelings again. But this society is doomed if "WE-The- People" don't demand change. I am sicked by what has been on TV lately and how blindly many people follow the manipulations of the media/social media.
Why don't we all try something different, turn off the fucking TV/Internet and start THINKING FOR YOURSELF.
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