The Final Fight.....

I'll just cut to the chase here: This has been a really crappy year....year and a half actually from a "health & adversity" standpoint. I find that I am nearly incapable of writing...I either have absolutely nothing to say or I have been to physically sick to do it. When I do find the energy to write...my health dominates the page. I don't care for that but hey, it is what it is.

I can honestly say that I sincerely hope that this will be one of the last posts that deals mainly with my health and updating the latest info related to it.

I sound much like a broken record here, the infection that has been raising havoc with me in my right leg has once again reared it's ugly head. So I visited the Doc yesterday and we decided on a plan to address the issue. I started a new oral AB (Anti-Biotic) and If I don't begin to feel real results by Monday (today is Saturday) then I will be admitted to the hospital Tuesday for another C&I (Clean & Irrigate) Surgery and a 2 nights stay. They would then put in a PIC Line and start a 6 week course of IV AB. I would go to a local infusion center if insurance won't allow me to have it done at home.

And that is the strategy. I'll do my best to stay in the game here on the blog and keep everyone informed.

Revisiting My Old Friends The CLOWNS...(A Journey Back In Time)

The following is a post from January of 2012. This was nearly a year before I was injured in a fall that lead me to my current medical adventure. I was actually just discovering at that moment that my Barrett's Esophagus Disease and subsequent Acid Re-flux Disease was causing stomach acid to drain into my lungs causing severe pneumonia style symptoms that were in fact much more serious then pneumonia....this lethal combination was KILLING ME. I was drowning ever so slowly in my own stomach fluid as it slowly shut my lungs down. If it weren't for a 12 day long stay at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN, I would without out a doubt have died in a very short period of time.

The reason I am posting this today is that it struck me as uncanny how optimistic I was at that time, having no possible idea that over 2 years later I would still be fighting for Life and Limb. Had I known then that I would be in this position today I am honestly I am not at all sure how I would have coped with that impossibly, horrifying news. Yet it is true....

When I read this a little while ago I simply could not believe this was still happening. I just had to re-post it to invite the reader into my own little world of hopeless suffering. When people ask me why I am so serious and feel little optimism about the future...well, read on friend....how in the f**k would you feel, eh?   
Enjoy my friends.....ENJOY.          


Holding Off The CLOWNS...Who Persist In Running AMOK 
Reprinted from January 15, 2012
                                                                                                                                     

Photo: K Tomson

Naturally when a person is laid up....hurt or sick...they spend a great deal of time isolated with their own thoughts and emotions. This is one of those potential "ticking Time-Bomb" types of situations that are NOT GOOD for a recovering alcoholic/addict like myself. No, addicts...particularly those that are new to recovery do not do well when they are isolated and have no accountability to anyone else...they have a tendency to let their self-will take over and run amok. This certainly was a pattern for me....It has been a huge concern of mine during this lengthy period of illness though I have managed to stay connected to the Creator which in my life today makes all the difference in the world.

It keeps the crazy notions I come up with when I am sleep deprived from taking over and running amok... creating more and more problems. So I would say a huge part of my saving grace this time around is having the experience of having been there before and knowing what the potential problems are. 

I am still managing to get little 20 minute snippets of sleep here and there through-out the day and that seems to be making a difference. So we'll just keep running with it when it happens...it seems to be enough to get by for now.

My goal here is really to try an get well obviously...I have a real desire to get back to communicating more effectively because that will most certainly help in my attemps to work with the medical staff to help figure out what's going on. Not sure why but I feel somewhat more optimistic this evening...I have a funny feeling that there are good things about to happen out their on my life's horizon and we just have to stay the course spiritually...and good stuff will occur.

Perhaps that is wishful thinking...could be I suppose but I just don't believe it. I believe we have planted the seeds for a good, solid future and we just might start seeing that come to pass if we just keep praying to HIM and plugging away.

Anyway...have a wonderful Sunday evening...I believe I am about to have French Toast and Bacon for dinner tonight....

Isolation: Learning 2 FLY Again

It is getting more and more difficult to sit back and objectively go over what has happened to my life the last 13 months. Really one could actually extend that out to the last 36 months because they were filled with illness, countless trips to see doctors and 12 days spent at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. 

That nightmare ended on a high note when it was discovered that stomach fluid was escaping through the Esophagus into my lungs causing Pneumonia symptoms and in fact it was slowly drowning me from the inside. A 3 hour surgery and a couple of nights in the hospital...and I was able to leave that issue behind.

There are some friends and family that have started to tire of this whole process (Huh?! You're sick of it? Think how I feel!!) and rag on me like I need to just turn it off and move on with life. My own father referred to this medical madness of the past year as "Drama" and wondered when I would stop impacting him with these medical dramas.Impacting HIM? Yeeesh...

Hey people, at the last visit to see the Doc he told me quite seriously that we are getting very close to having to make the decision we  were praying that we wouldn't have to make: Amputation of my right leg 6" below the knee. 

And the medical aspect of this is just one part of managing the impact on my life.

After finding recovery from Alcoholism/Addiction in June of 2006, I proceeded on a journey that impacted and changed pretty much every aspect of my life. My financial situation was dire. So I went through bankruptcy and rebuilt my life...my entire life back from scratch. 

Only to get sick this time to the tune of over $237,000 ($36,455) out of pocket. It has destroyed me financially and I have my moments where I struggle terribly to see what God's purpose or point is in all of this. But in the end....it isn't up to me to know why, I just have to learn tao fly again, no matter the weather.

In addition this financial catastrophe has driven me to the brink of insanity. By being open and honest about my fiances I have influenced certain individuals who I thought were my friends to apparently not trust me any more. 

The sole reason I brought this subject up is this....going through this ordeal has murdered my self-esteem, It's been a real struggle to maintain my dignity at all times and mostly that happens but this insensitivity from some family/friends has really hurt me and it continues to hurt me still. 

Has this "Me Society" we live in caused us to lose our humanity....our compassion toward others?

Yes, though I know that I am too close to this situation to be truly objective and I am very sensitive about it but I  can't help but be hurt by it all...this has taught me a valuable lesson because in the past that would have been me judging others without having all the facts.All that mattered then was how things were going for me, how fortunate I was.

Now I can see this experience is teaching me a series of valuable lessons about greed, humility, being a kind and loving friend to others. I think it has worked but time will ultimately tell.

So I will continue to move toward the LIGHT and try grow and persevere.

But I will not back down from the TRUTH and will represent my situation openly and honestly. There was a time I considered asking for donations on this site to help me survive but I could not do it. But that is a measure of how difficult things have now become.