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Saturday, March 15, 2014

Revisiting My Old Friends The CLOWNS...(A Journey Back In Time)

The following is a post from January of 2012. This was nearly a year before I was injured in a fall that lead me to my current medical adventure. I was actually just discovering at that moment that my Barrett's Esophagus Disease and subsequent Acid Re-flux Disease was causing stomach acid to drain into my lungs causing severe pneumonia style symptoms that were in fact much more serious then pneumonia....this lethal combination was KILLING ME. I was drowning ever so slowly in my own stomach fluid as it slowly shut my lungs down. If it weren't for a 12 day long stay at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN, I would without out a doubt have died in a very short period of time.

The reason I am posting this today is that it struck me as uncanny how optimistic I was at that time, having no possible idea that over 2 years later I would still be fighting for Life and Limb. Had I known then that I would be in this position today I am honestly I am not at all sure how I would have coped with that impossibly, horrifying news. Yet it is true....

When I read this a little while ago I simply could not believe this was still happening. I just had to re-post it to invite the reader into my own little world of hopeless suffering. When people ask me why I am so serious and feel little optimism about the future...well, read on in the f**k would you feel, eh?   
Enjoy my friends.....ENJOY.          

Holding Off The CLOWNS...Who Persist In Running AMOK 
Reprinted from January 15, 2012

Photo: K Tomson

Naturally when a person is laid up....hurt or sick...they spend a great deal of time isolated with their own thoughts and emotions. This is one of those potential "ticking Time-Bomb" types of situations that are NOT GOOD for a recovering alcoholic/addict like myself. No, addicts...particularly those that are new to recovery do not do well when they are isolated and have no accountability to anyone else...they have a tendency to let their self-will take over and run amok. This certainly was a pattern for me....It has been a huge concern of mine during this lengthy period of illness though I have managed to stay connected to the Creator which in my life today makes all the difference in the world.

It keeps the crazy notions I come up with when I am sleep deprived from taking over and running amok... creating more and more problems. So I would say a huge part of my saving grace this time around is having the experience of having been there before and knowing what the potential problems are. 

I am still managing to get little 20 minute snippets of sleep here and there through-out the day and that seems to be making a difference. So we'll just keep running with it when it seems to be enough to get by for now.

My goal here is really to try an get well obviously...I have a real desire to get back to communicating more effectively because that will most certainly help in my attemps to work with the medical staff to help figure out what's going on. Not sure why but I feel somewhat more optimistic this evening...I have a funny feeling that there are good things about to happen out their on my life's horizon and we just have to stay the course spiritually...and good stuff will occur.

Perhaps that is wishful thinking...could be I suppose but I just don't believe it. I believe we have planted the seeds for a good, solid future and we just might start seeing that come to pass if we just keep praying to HIM and plugging away.

Anyway...have a wonderful Sunday evening...I believe I am about to have French Toast and Bacon for dinner tonight....

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