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Monday, March 3, 2014

Isolation: Learning 2 FLY Again

It is getting more and more difficult to sit back and objectively go over what has happened to my life the last 13 months. Really one could actually extend that out to the last 36 months because they were filled with illness, countless trips to see doctors and 12 days spent at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. 

That nightmare ended on a high note when it was discovered that stomach fluid was escaping through the Esophagus into my lungs causing Pneumonia symptoms and in fact it was slowly drowning me from the inside. A 3 hour surgery and a couple of nights in the hospital...and I was able to leave that issue behind.

There are some friends and family that have started to tire of this whole process (Huh?! You're sick of it? Think how I feel!!) and rag on me like I need to just turn it off and move on with life. My own father referred to this medical madness of the past year as "Drama" and wondered when I would stop impacting him with these medical dramas.Impacting HIM? Yeeesh...

Hey people, at the last visit to see the Doc he told me quite seriously that we are getting very close to having to make the decision we  were praying that we wouldn't have to make: Amputation of my right leg 6" below the knee. 

And the medical aspect of this is just one part of managing the impact on my life.

After finding recovery from Alcoholism/Addiction in June of 2006, I proceeded on a journey that impacted and changed pretty much every aspect of my life. My financial situation was dire. So I went through bankruptcy and rebuilt my entire life back from scratch. 

Only to get sick this time to the tune of over $237,000 ($36,455) out of pocket. It has destroyed me financially and I have my moments where I struggle terribly to see what God's purpose or point is in all of this. But in the isn't up to me to know why, I just have to learn tao fly again, no matter the weather.

In addition this financial catastrophe has driven me to the brink of insanity. By being open and honest about my fiances I have influenced certain individuals who I thought were my friends to apparently not trust me any more. 

The sole reason I brought this subject up is this....going through this ordeal has murdered my self-esteem, It's been a real struggle to maintain my dignity at all times and mostly that happens but this insensitivity from some family/friends has really hurt me and it continues to hurt me still. 

Has this "Me Society" we live in caused us to lose our humanity....our compassion toward others?

Yes, though I know that I am too close to this situation to be truly objective and I am very sensitive about it but I  can't help but be hurt by it all...this has taught me a valuable lesson because in the past that would have been me judging others without having all the facts.All that mattered then was how things were going for me, how fortunate I was.

Now I can see this experience is teaching me a series of valuable lessons about greed, humility, being a kind and loving friend to others. I think it has worked but time will ultimately tell.

So I will continue to move toward the LIGHT and try grow and persevere.

But I will not back down from the TRUTH and will represent my situation openly and honestly. There was a time I considered asking for donations on this site to help me survive but I could not do it. But that is a measure of how difficult things have now become.

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