Spinning violently around emotionally should be old hat for me by now but it is not. No matter how one prepares themselves for a tough time, for pain, for the unexpected, for death...etc, it really does not lesson the impact of such trauma.
I no longer fully feel human. I'm elastic flesh and bone...I am a scientific experiment gone terribly wrong...I am no longer living in the world of others. My life view has compressed and my focus has narrowed toward just surviving each day. That is all I see, all I feel...ALL I AM. I am an ANIMAL....and I am beginning to feel dangerous.
I don't know "normal"...I have no clue what IT or "pain free" even means and I suspect that it is a colossal lie. Everyone hurts in this world all the time in some particular way: physical, emotional, psychological or spiritually. And No one is truly "Normal". To deny this simple fact is disingenuous....OK, it is LYING a Majestic Lie perpetuated by the CLOWNS who run the show. And frankly lying to oneself IS DANGEROUS because the odds are the PIPER will come to collect...one way or another. And the cost is extraordinarily HIGH.One's dignity, Trampled Under-Foot.
I am not saying that this life is wretched...NO, far from it. Beauty soars unchecked but it isn't FREE. Because the storms WILL set in and CHAOS will RULE DIVINE, with all of it's pain, fear and uncertainty running amok. A Dark Calvary that compels one to fight...or NOT. Play or Quit. Live or DIE.
I choose to LIVE...
Painting: Pablo Picasso "BLUE NUDE"