Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Don't Call Me LUCIFER
I suppose that at the age of 50 I have a drastically different perspective on life and living life then I did as a young man in my early to mid 20's. It is inevitable that one would change with the times, the experience and relationships that one has had.
But I cannot rightly say at this point in time WHAT I might have learned as a "life lesson" from this most recent bout of illness, injury and sudden fall socially and financially. I do know that I react somewhat differently in the long run though at first glance my reaction may seem similar.
I felt sorry for myself, abused and picked on by fate or God...whatever. Bu very quickly I realized that all of that was a misguided distraction and attempt to deflect responsibility from the on person directly responsible....ME.
I made the decisions, the hard (or perhaps the way too easy choices that had the unforeseeable consequences leading down this particular moment of doubt and pain. And then I felt dirty, EVIL and out of control when the reality of my situation is no different then any one else's...I am HUMAN...therefore I am FLAWED...therefore I SIN....PERIOD.
I think that what I do to myself that hurts me the most is I let myself ride the emotion I feel in real time. I now realize that in reality, I have no active FAITH during crisis like these so I fight back manually. The end result is I suffer 10 times over and the problem is never diminished or solved. it is a perpetual purgatory called human life and I am my own Jailer and ultimately executioner.
Well my friends....the time has now come for a CHANGE!!!
Stick around Shell Shock Serenade here in the near future as we figure out exactly how that change is going to to occur and implement itself...