Fear Factor

Tonight I actually have plans to attend a Christmas Party. So what you say!? Most folks do that kind of thing all the time. Well, yea but I have never really acted like most folks so this kind of thing tends to be a little bigger deal for me then most people. Though I will readily admit that the "bigger deal" part of it takes place mainly in between my own ears: I over think it until it becomes this overwhelming, social situation fro HELL! Which of course it's not. It is a Xmas get together....a party and I will know pretty much every single person who is there. It should not be an issue but Mr Complication Here makes it one, I do not know why I do this....

I do dislike large groups of people in a social setting. Put me in Ohio Stadium (The Shoe) w/ 105,000 screaming Buckeye Knuckle Heads and I'll never blink an eye. I'm facinated by the Chaos of humanity, all in one place....for a GAME. Put me in a room with 20 folks where I have to be social and make small talk, well, ah.....er....not my cup of tea, thank you. I know, I don't get it either. It's weird and hard to explain but I basically have always felt this way. The difference is today I do not want to isolate, today I want to participate in life so I'm doing my best to overcome this...well I guess it's fear of some kind, who knows.

But off we go to give it a try. I do have to chuckle because I've done some pretty serious climbing in the Rockies and The Tetons. I have done some sky diving, leaving the plane at 10,000 feet....I have been in some down right dangerous situations as a junkie yet this kind of thing frightens me more. Go figure that one out!!?

This is one of those blog entries where I'm basically telling it like it is no matter how embarrassed I feel at the moment because I think it serves a purpose for some people who may have felt like I have. Your not alone and it can change, when it does it WILL get better, it will, I've seen it time and time again. And you folks know who you are and what I'm talking about....Peace out.

Good Morning Kitty Cat

Warning: Eating may not be a good idea while reading this post....

For this mornings post I will resist the urge to post photos since the topic is CAT VOMIT. Yep, Zoe that beloved cat of mine periodically decides to greet me in the morning with half a can of freshly regurgitated Kitty Breakfast..."Good Morning Thom, Did you happen to forget that I find Beef Liver, Turkey Giblets and BBQ shrimp Surprise an unacceptable breakfast selection? Basically because I hate the sh*t! and because I'm an old, fussy, finicky pain in the arse Kitty Cat that finds it terribly amusing to watch you scrub my stomach contents off your Mum's very expensive carpet in the back hallway, first thing in the morning?"

And I don't believe for a second that this is an "accident".....NOOOOO, this damn Cat likes to toy with me, torture me, yep generally F*^k with me all the time....and she never forgets, anything. Example: BLUAAARGGGHHH (Big pile of liquid, molten, chunk filled puke plops out onto the floor, steaming)...."Hey Thom, remember how you put that collar on me 2 years ago with the bell on it that I really hate?? Well here is a little reminder that I freakin' haven't!!" That's basically how it works around here with the Zoe Bud in charge. And you bet your sweet A-- she is in charge, always. And the name Zoe Bud? Uh, well yea, I am one of those "pussy whipped" cat people who has goofy pet names for my, er, uh pet.....ZoZo, Zoeybudbud, Bud Bud Kitty of Joy, Skinny Minny  and my fav recently: Dammit Zoe!!!

Well Good Morning everyone, I hope that you have gotten off to a bit more pleasant start to your day then I have with my Liquid Kitty Greeting w/Chunks: Happy Saturday....BLUAAARGGGHHH!!!!

Santa In The Bathroom

Yep, I can be a tad sentimental when it comes to Christmas time and particularly things like Xmas decorations, Trees, Santa and the whole holiday "Vibe", as it were. Since I live in an area that is primarily seasonal, summer  homes there aren't many houses lit up around here for the holidays. But in the Coldwater area as a whole, there are quite a few. We ventured out tonight to check out some of the light displays in the area.

Last year my family discovered a home north west of here near Union City, MI that quite frankly had one of the most amazing displays of outside and inside Xmas lights I have seen short of a public display. But as far as private homes are concerned, this one is the best I've ever seen.

We drove out there again tonight and it really got the holiday vibe kicked off for me....I've included some of the pics I took last year because we actually went inside, this year we just drove by and checked out the outside. I can't believe how extensive this display really is and the pictures can't really capture that. The couple who does this have been doing it for 20 years for the sole purpose of making people happy. They succeeded last night in my case...

The holiday music plays outside as you drive by and there was just a smattering of snow to add to the festive feeling. The Santa above is actually located to the left of the toilet (as you are seated on it) in the bathroom, It certainly freaks you out the first time you see him!!. It's strange but I had the odd sensation he was going to start talking to me at any moment....They have decorated every single room in their home except their bedroom....incredible.

This kind of stuff turns me into an 8 year old kid again every time I see it! HO HO HO HO HO.....

The Soccer World Rejects Us...

I'm going to take a minute here to just say that I am bummed that the US didn't get the bid for the 2022 World Cup Soccer Tournament. I know that most sports fans here in the States don't care that much about International Soccer. I get it, I really do.

I'm a little bit different in my opinion even though I still consider Football, Baseball, Hockey and Basketball all more important in my mind then Soccer as sports here in America. But I have always enjoyed Soccer. I played it for many years in youth leagues in my home town of Worthington, Ohio and have watched it on TV ever since.

I thought having the World Cup here in 1994 was a big deal and very important in the growth of popularity of the sport in this country. We wouldn't have a professional sports league in MLS Soccer if it weren't for that World Cup. I don't think the interest in soccer is going way. It's hugely popular as a participatory sport, beginning in youth leagues all the way through College now and that isn't going to change. Shoot, playing soccer is also great exercise, hell you basically run 45 minutes at a time each half for a total of 90 minutes a game. It's cheap, you need a ball and some grass space to play on.

I know that the International Soccer Powers that Be consider it important to spread this event around but some how this still smells like anti-Americanism again. Last year it was the Chicago Olympic Bid in 2016 that was shot down and now this. In both cases it was acknowledged by many throughout the world that the US bids were by far the best economically, logistically and because we are a nation built of people from all nations of the world, it was logical from a diversity point of view as well. The stadiums in the US are already in existence, in Qatar they are not, not one. I would think the lesson learned in S Africa last year (A half dozen stadiums were built or renovated for the W.C., billions of dollars spent and now they are empty and not being used) would show how economically disastrous this can be if a country has to try and build this thing from scratch. Somehow those lessons are being ignored....

Oh well, I will still watch the event every 4 years wherever it's being held. I do think that the US Team will one day shock the World by winning the Cup. Then it will be interesting to see what happens then....

Tough One Tonight

Not really sure how to precede with this post or honestly if I should even continue. I'm feeling a great deal of emotion and thinking a lot lately about my spiritual life. A very tricky, testy, difficult subject for me. One that has been nearly impossible for me to really share any information about first of all because even I am unclear where I stand spiritually. Secondly, I am uncomfortable talking about it....perhaps I'm a bit embarrassed? That certainly could be the case but I also feel so uncertain, so unstable and rather clueless. There is something...out there, I know but, what? And why would I care? Don't know but I do, I care....very much so.

And I am afraid....Afraid what I may be getting into. Afraid that once again I may be following a path that leads me straight over the precipice into free fall. My skepticism shouts down all attempts at faith and at times pushes me to rely solely on reason...well, we know where that leads me, don't we?! My sense of reason in the past has bordered on insanity...granted, my chemical dependency had a great deal to do with that but still....can I trust what I think and feel? Not solely, I fear.

Not at all sure I have the answer to that question, does anyone, really? I'm pushing hard for a discovery here, yet I am hesitant to just blast all the way through to the other side. I want to believe....It's different when your sober, somewhat sane, when you honestly ask for answers, when you admit your character defects, accept responsibility for your actions, admit you are wrong and yea...admit defeat, accept it and move on with your life. Then and only then can you genuinely search for truth, ah I mean Truth with a Cap T....only then does the journey truly begin yet there are so many questions....who has the answers?

I'm "Outed" On A Thursday Morning or I just Like Puppies....

This is going to sound ridiculous I'm sure but it should then fit right in on this blog, right?!

But I'm going to blog about the damn puppy of the day thing again. I'm struggling I suppose with the idea that I shouldn't enjoy this puppy thing. That somehow, it doesn't belong on "MY" site and  jeez, I really think that it's beneath me to show such emotional dribble on Shell Shock....

 

I know, where do I get off criticising these adorable little doggies, treating them so disrespectfully because my out of control EGO can't accept the fact that I, the big guy who blogs about war, sports and other "manly" topics happens to like puppy pictures....Me, the king of acceptance can't come clean, accept and admit:

I'm a freakin' softy at heart and damn it all, I like, cute, cuddly little doggies!

So there, I just outed myself...Now I think I deserve a "Treat", BOW WOW!

Boiler God is SMILING....

Thank You Boiler Basketball Players for hanging tough in a difficult environment and showing you guys know how to play. Great poise down the stretch and a great win....Keep it up, GO BOILERS!!

The Forgotten War at Home

I follow quite a few other blogs on a regular basis. Once in a while I'll go trolling around the blog world to check out some I haven't read before. I've recently come across blogs written by War Widows, specifically a couple that have really seared my soul and tugged at my heart. I really don't think they mind mentioning the title of their blogs since they are out there for anyone to see.

"Letters To Tommy" is a blog by the wife of a Marine who after 2 deployments (First in Iraq then Afghanistan) came home so troubled that he shot himself. "Wife of a Wounded Marine" is a similar tale, this Marine was wounded, spent a great deal of time in the hospital and also died after he was home. Both soldiers were suffering from PTSD among other things.

I'm not here to debate what happened to these guys and whether they received the treatment they should have received after it was obvious they were in deep, deep trouble.

No I want to highlight the pain, desperation and suffering of those that were left behind. Those woman (wives, in this case) went through absolute hell. Both state that the blog serves the purpose of getting their thoughts, emotions, etc out in the open. I commend them for their strength, courage and honesty. These stories are just horrific. War is rarely just fought by the soldiers themselves...even those who survive the battlefield come home terribly scarred emotionally as well as physically at times.

The partner then begins their war trying to understand, to offer support, encouragement...often to those who would rather be left alone. I just wanted to highlight their stories tonight. They are often overlooked and when their loved one has passed on they are then forgotten.

I do not pretend to know anything about this subject. I too have been guilty of solely focusing on the returned trooper and not really on those he or she returns to. This is a tremendously difficult subject to talk about or even think about. After reading the background on some of these blogs I was just stunned. Stunned but not silent, hence this post....

Oddball and Ends....

I'm having one of those days where loose ends get cleaned up...if you know what I mean? I have a couple projects going on and today seemed to be the day that everything came together and was completed. I love days like this....

The old Ford F-150 plow truck has been over at a friends place who does auto repairs on the side. It has needed an over haul for the last couple of years....just having break lines replaced that were rusting, wiper blade motor, some repair work to the plow blade. Stuff that I typically am a klutz at doing. The truck has been over there for a couple of weeks and finally today it was ready to go. Hows that for timing, the first real snow and I have the plow back!!

Just a few other things that needed to be dealt with as well.

Over the weekend I was a victim of identity theft of a debit card number. The thief tried to charge some stuff online and I noticed it Sunday while checking my account online. Thank God I got into the habit of doing that because it could have been a disaster. But fortunately I did catch it and notified the proper folks and miraculously, I lost nothing in the end. I suggest to anyone who uses their debit card or credit card regularly to check those spending accounts every day online. That was the saving grace for me...

Today was a "plus" day on the health front. I managed to feel pretty good most of the day, having only one "sinking spell" in the early afternoon. That's how this crap goes...you feel fine then POW, you can hardly move and you feel so exhausted that sleeping seems like a chore. Now that is tired!

Ah, the timer is calling me to dinner, coconut shrimp and fresh fruit/vegetables....so I will close for now....

Oh yea: Could the Purdue Basketball Team please win the Freaking Game tonight. I'm tired of them playing down to their competition and ruining my evening. it's a nationally televised game on ESPN so please fellas, play some damn BALL!!

THANK YOU

It's Official!

Yes, it's snowing.....the first snowfall of significance (Translation: It's actually staying on the ground for awhile) of the Winter.

I've always enjoyed the snow and winter in general. Of course there can always be too much of a good thing and often, where I've lived the last 25 yrs or so, that tends to occur about February of every Winter!  That, of course is about the time one truly gets sick of the cold and snow, just wishes it would stop yet, no...it snows and snows, until April! But the early winter In Michigan is often a magical time for me.

I believe that is why I've always wanted to live in region's of the country where we had the four, distinct seasons so each season can be enjoyed to the fullest. So now it is Winter's turn!

Until four or five years ago, I lived primarily in Holland Michigan year round. Since then I've spent time there as well as here in Southern Michigan on Coldwater Lake. Even though the two places are only 120 miles apart, the snowfall amounts couldn't be more different.
Holland of course sits on Lake Michigan which provides a little thing called "Lake Effect Snow". Locals take this for granted, accept it as a matter of course but the first time I experienced it for myself in 1984, I was totally unprepared! No plow or snow blower, just Shirley, Chelsea (age 1) and I, fresh from Ohio and totally freaked out. I thought it was kinda cool....until I had to shovel!!

It was over New years that year (84/85) and I believe in 2 days we got something like 20 inches of hard, blowing snow. Coming from Central Ohio, I had never seen anything like this in my life. The stranger thing was if I drove 15 miles east of Holland there would only be 5 or so inches of snow. Lake Effect, plain and simple. The storm front picks up moisture over the lake and drops mega amounts of snow for the first 10 to 15 miles inland. Buffalo, NY and the Cleveland Ohio region are two other area that regularly experience this phenomenon. Aren't we special!!?

Now we get a good snowfall here in Coldwater but it's a bit different. We can be affected by the lake but we are so far inland that it's rare when we get a significant blast from Lake Effect Snow. But still, it's Michigan, it's the North Country and it freakin' snows here....a lot.

And so Winter truly begins with the first "visible" snow of the year.....CHEERS!