Tonight I actually have plans to attend a Christmas Party. So what you say!? Most folks do that kind of thing all the time. Well, yea but I have never really acted like most folks so this kind of thing tends to be a little bigger deal for me then most people. Though I will readily admit that the "bigger deal" part of it takes place mainly in between my own ears: I over think it until it becomes this overwhelming, social situation fro HELL! Which of course it's not. It is a Xmas get together....a party and I will know pretty much every single person who is there. It should not be an issue but Mr Complication Here makes it one, I do not know why I do this....
I do dislike large groups of people in a social setting. Put me in Ohio Stadium (The Shoe) w/ 105,000 screaming Buckeye Knuckle Heads and I'll never blink an eye. I'm facinated by the Chaos of humanity, all in one place....for a GAME. Put me in a room with 20 folks where I have to be social and make small talk, well, ah.....er....not my cup of tea, thank you. I know, I don't get it either. It's weird and hard to explain but I basically have always felt this way. The difference is today I do not want to isolate, today I want to participate in life so I'm doing my best to overcome this...well I guess it's fear of some kind, who knows.
But off we go to give it a try. I do have to chuckle because I've done some pretty serious climbing in the Rockies and The Tetons. I have done some sky diving, leaving the plane at 10,000 feet....I have been in some down right dangerous situations as a junkie yet this kind of thing frightens me more. Go figure that one out!!?
This is one of those blog entries where I'm basically telling it like it is no matter how embarrassed I feel at the moment because I think it serves a purpose for some people who may have felt like I have. Your not alone and it can change, when it does it WILL get better, it will, I've seen it time and time again. And you folks know who you are and what I'm talking about....Peace out.