Late October by Maya Angelo

Carefully
the leaves of autumn
sprinkle down the tinny
sound of little dyings
and skies sated
of ruddy sunsets
of roseate dawns
roil ceaselessly in
cobweb greys and turn
black for comfort.

Only lovers
see the fall
a signal end to endings
a gruffish gesture alerting
those who will not be alarmed
that we begin to stop
in order simply
to begin
again.

I Died For Beauty

I died for beauty, but was scarce
Adjusted in the tomb
When one who died for truth was lain
In an adjoining room
He questioned softly why I failed?
"For beauty," I replied.

"And I for truth-the two are one;
We brethren are," he said
And so, as kinsmen met a-night,
We talked between the rooms
Until the moss had reached our lips,
And covered up our names.

Emily Dickinson

Cranky....

Yea, so what! I got my Mr Cranky Pants attitude on today and I feel unrepentant, vibrant even, alive.....uh, er....no, not really alive. Or vibrant really...mainly just cranky and sort of unrepentant. Unrepentant takes energy, something I have very little of this cold Southern Michigan morning.

Basically I'm whining because I don't feel as well as I THINK I SHOULD and I'm ornery. That's ornery, not horny...horny takes energy which I'm already officially on record as saying I have very little of, none to spare actually...even for horny. Now that's being sick, I'd say.

Yep, that's it...I'm still sick, Pnumi's got me down and I THINK it should have run it's course by now and be over. I should feel better now....but I don't. So cranky has seeped into to my usually upbeat morning mood (Oh Yea, I'm one of those pesky "Morning People", annoying aren't we?!)and seriously impacted my day, Wah, Wah...

OK, I know better....what I THINK should be and what actually IS are often two different things and that conflict is something that historically I haven't handled very well. I'm trying to reconcile the two, trying to "Find the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and (most importantly,) the WISDOM to know the difference. (I couldn't resist throwing in the Serenity Prayer, that little sanity saving ditty that has rescued me from many crappy days...).

The last line of the S.P., has always been the troublemaker because I used to think I was GOD and I could do, control anything....(LOUD BUZZER OR AIR HORN SOUND HERE)...WRONG. Geez, that couldn't be further from the truth. I couldn't tie my freaking shoes at one point in my life w/out creating chaos.I had control of absolutely NOTHING.

As soon as I realized that and accepted it....things got a bit easier. Yet I still have my moments...like today when I want to "feel like I don't have Pneumonia when I actually do and could be in hospital right now so I actually should be thankful instead of bitchy!).

 But hey, I'm only human right? "Ya live and learn and this Mr Cranky Pants will drink plenty of fluids, take it easy (very hard for this spastic individual!) and take my Meds. Have a marvelous Monday...

A Very Bad Boy

That exploding head I blogged about the other day....My head, chock full of god knows what, pulsating, throbbing: quite literally feeling like at any moment....KA-BOOM, followed by flying snot and stuff everywhere....

Well that wasn't really my biggest problem...Nope, it was one of several (uncomfortable) symptoms I was having from Pneumonia. Yep I have Pneumonia, AGAIN! Holy cow I feel like a 90 yr old guy in a nursing home as frequently as I get pneumonia these last couple of years (3 times in 4 yrs by my count). Come to think of it I probably have less of a social/ romantic life then that 90 yr old brother in the nursing home as well....OK, OK I'm getting off-track.

Of course I have no idea how I (or anyone for that matter) gets Pnumi (I had to abbreviate, I'm tired of spelling it already). It seems to come out of nowhere but wherever it comes from definately has to be a very BAD place, that's for sure. I'm most definately lucky to be alive...though in some weird way I have a strange sense of guilt about getting it in the first place even though I truly have no clue as to how I actually got pneumonia. It's quite unsettling really, as if deep down I know that I must have done something wrong, something really terrible to deserve this fate....again!

All that blogging about turning over a new leaf, changing my life, being positive.....all of it for nothing. Obviously the Great Power of the Universe is deeply disappointed in me, punishing me once again with a bad case (is there such a thing as a good case?!) of Pneumonia for my sins!!

Any how, for those of you that were wondering why I haven't been around this past week at my usual haunts, I don't in fact have a cold, I have a rather bad case of Pnumi......

My First Blog Post from My Phone...YIPPIE!

Ah yes...a technical illiterate is trying to post from his cell phone...can he actually do it? Let's find out....

What's up with the Freakin' Puppies!!??

OK, so I put a "Puppy of the day" kind of thing on my blog, so what?! I really like dogs a great deal and puppies even more. Hey who doesn't?

But I'm not gonna hide behind the "everyone loves 'em
so it's OK that I follow" bit. The simple fact is that I do really like puppies and deep down I'm kind of a sentimental guy and yea, perhaps I even have a heart.

Actually, now that I think about it, I realize that I might be struggling just a bit here w/my masculinity. As in: "Real men like DOGS, big, rough, tough, mean 'ole hombres" not cute little puppies....sheesh, that stuff is for girls! As much as I hate to admit it, I do think there is a tad bit of that going on here. How embarrassing, really....I always thought I was pretty open minded about gender related things and not at all bothered by being in touch w/my "feminine side". But if that is the case then why am I writing this morning trying to explain (or defend!) my decision to put a puppy thing on my blog page? Am I struggling with my manhood here? Am I worried what people might think? Have I gone on all these years not knowing that perhaps I've been keeping a big time secret from myself?

Or is it that I just needed to have something fairly interesting to write about this morning to keep my blog somewhat current?

BINGO!

8 November, 2010 2:30am

I found out the way I learn a lot of my information these days...Face Book. A F.O.B (Friend Of Bill) had posted that Jim had been in an accident and lost his life. He worked 3rd shift, it was their lunch break at 2:30a and he was walking down the road by the shop when a Semi ran him over. At least that's the story as I understand it. It's a cliche' yet it's a damn shame and still so sad and I was really upset by it. It hurts when death arrives so unexpectedly....but this wasn't a surprise, not to me any way. 


Not because it was such a senseless accident because accidents will happen. This wasn't an accident. He was doing what he was doing....working where he was working....because of his alcoholism...plain and simple. Drinking killed my friend Jim and dammit, I've seen so many good people, close friends, lose that fight. And yet it will keep happening because that's the way it goes. Good people in recovery, for a variety of reasons pick up that first drink and off they go, Drinking/Drugging often to the bitter end.

And like so many, he leaves a family behind who deep down will never understand why someone they loved so much would seemingly choose booze over them. Ach! That is truly the saddest aspect of these "accidents". They'll never, ever know why....hell he didn't know why he did the things the way he did. Just like I never knew why I made those very same decisions. We just tried to survive, day to day....like animals...just fulfilling the need to drink.

I know now that I never have to go back there if I don't want to....easier said then done yet I realise qqqqqqit can be done.

As I close I will think of that family, those kids and his wife....

Thank You

Thank you.....it doesn't seem enough to say really, thank you.

After all many of you sacrificed your youth or gave your lives.....In hellish jungles, terrifying skies over Europe, Japan, Korea, Iraq, Afghanistan or on a rocky hill top in Pennsylvania......or in wet, corpse ridden, rat infested trenches on the Western Front or Korea or Afghanistan, in the Bloody Angle at Spotsylvania Court House or in Vietnam....these are but just a few of many places you have served and served well. You served on ships, subs, airplanes....drove trucks, gave medical aid and did countless other deeds, some famous and well known, some known only to God. Because you took the secret to your grave....or suffered in silence with it for all these years hoping you'd forget.

I haven't. I won't, ever forget...what you American Vets have done for me and my country. I'm absolutely in awe of your dedication and your sacrifice....

THANK YOU

Thomas O Davis

11 November 2010

35 Years Ago Today

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgI8bta-7aw&feature=share

The Edmund Fitzgerald sunk 35 yrs ago today in a storm on Lake Superior....the song by Gordon Lightfoot and the image in my mind that went with it of those 29 men fighting the "Biggest" of the "Big Lakes" for their very lives has always haunted me. Though over the years I've sort of made peace with the image but the song always brings me back. Rest In Peace Boys....

43

Yep, I know it's hard to believe but I actually watched OPRAH today on TV. The occasion was an hour long show dedicated to former President George W Bush (President #43), who just came out with a Memoir, released today.

My purpose in writing today isn't political, I'm not going to debate his decisions, politics, etc. I will say that I truly enjoyed the interview, there were NO subjects that seemed to be off limits and Winfrey asked him tough questions about 9?11, The War On Terror, War In Iraq, Hurricane Katrina and the near collapse of the economy...all things that were relevant to his presidency. He answered the questions honestly, in my opinion with no spin. He was very honest about things he felt he could have done better or would have done differently given another chance.

He answered straight up and I really noticed this because it is so rare in politicians today: He would come right out and admit something was a mistake....holy cow, that's just not done. It's to, uh, er.....HONEST! Honesty doesn't play well w/politician, ya know. I just like the way he answered the questions without trying to defend himself or spin the truth away....If he was at fault, then he said so and took responsibility for it.

The most impressive thing he said though was his response to Oprah's question of why he didn't criticize the current President. His response was that he understood how difficult the job was and didn't feel that it was his place. He went on to say that he wants the President to succeed, because when that happens the country succeeds and He loves the country so much that is what matters to him. I was impressed with that line of thinking and I agree. So much of politics today is wishing the other party to fail...how can one love their country yet wish failure on it?

Based on the show today, I believe that I will read his new book entitled "Decision Points" by George W Bush. I'm sure there will be parts I disagree with but I am interested in his point of view. So much criticism was directed his way that it's been hard to form any kind of objective opinion of his presidency. I'd like to try so I'll start here.....