I can no longer afford to speculate why this sh*t is even happening to me. It doesn't matter really...I'm not kidding, it doesn't. The bottom line in life is you are born....most SUFFER then we DIE. And to quote an old Grand Funk Railroad song "I can Feel Him in The Morning" most folks who die...well, they "DIE when they DIE...Die When They Die...Die When They Die".
I was 9 years old when I got the Grand Funk Album "SURVIVAL". That track, "I Can Feel HIM In The MORNING" caught my attention right away and I knew even at that age that someone in this band was finding GOD. Turned out to be Mark Farmer, founder, Lead Guitarist and vocalist. The beauty and simplicity of just acknowledging GOD is there...morning/evening took my breath away then and I didn't even know GOD then. It effects me even more profoundly today.
To finish my first thought above....this crap I'm experiencing now means very little in the bigger picture because what matters is that I am faithful to my CREATOR...that I FOLLOW HIM and ultimately there will be NO true death because our reward is Eternal Life. But that isn't my focus either...
I must remain Faithful and making the best of this MISERY is the Natural response I now have toward adversity. There are certain things in life I have no control over...so be IT! I no longer have to bang my freaking head against the wall trying to figure this stuff out....no, all I must do is FOLLOW. So I Will.