The WAITING

Waiting.......and Waiting....then wait some more and more then more then more then more then more and finally much much more waiting obviously needs to be done. Life times apparently can come and go while one simply waits for medical test results. So it goes without saying that we have not heard anything back on my bone scan or other medical tests done last week.                                                                                                                                                                            I'll let everyone know when we hear more....                                                                      1

                                       

HOPEFULLY TRUSTING...

I am sitting here early Sunday morning contemplating how insignificant my life really is to anyone but a very few close friends and family members. I could die right now  , it would make very little difference in the larger realm  of life. These kinds thoughts and feelings obviously are encouraged by my recent medical problems and the lingering feeling of being ignored by my previous doctors. Thankfully my new doctor understands that a spreading Bone Infection is LIFE THREATENING.

Probably because of that....Today I feel in my heart that something is going to break loose, probably tomorrow (Monday) or early this week as the test results come through and then we can plan how we will respond to it. I just pray it isn't too late to save my right foot. 

Today I am optomistic, HOPEFUL and I tust God will take care of me.

Bone Scan Shuffling...

Mega Tests today at the hospital in Marshall, MI. Bone Scan: 6am blood draw....11am injection of tagged White Blood Cells and a 5pm visit for the scan itself. Considering Marshall is 50 minutes away it made for a long darn day! Oh yea....throw in a 10:30a Echo Cardiogram and that completed my day.

I honestly have a real concern that they are still going to struggle to pin-point the origin and current source of the infection...until it costs me a foot, a leg or my life. I know that sounds a bit dramatic but the techs and doctor all made those possibilities clear. It is strange but like a living...breathing creature I can literally feel the infection growing and devowing bone inside of me.

Both knee joints are very weak and incredibly sore as well as my left hip. I have never had my faith tried by fire as it is right now. God's got me...I follow JC and that is all I can do.

A Personal word to my many friends and family: THANK YOU...I Love you all very much! I know many of you are praying for me and have been for a long time. I haven't always been the best coorespondant but I know  who you all are and I am so thankful for your love and friendship. I really appreciate all of you. 

I will continue to report what I know and do my best to stay in touch....

Eye Yia, Yia, Yia....Can This Situation Turn Any More Surreal?!

I am not sure I even want to report this nonsense but I made a commitment to myself and all of our readers to update Shell Shock more regularly.

I had a Bone Scan test today at a hospital 50 minutes away. I had to be there at 6a for a blood draw, noon for an injection then back once more at 6p.

I was there at 5:45a and went to the Lab to have the blood drawn...they had no record I was coming. Long story short, they took my blood and I went home. I got a call 90 minutes later and was told the procedure had been done incorrectly and I would have to return tomorrow and do it all over again! The good thing, I suppose...is that I have an EKG scheduled for 10:30a tomorrow so we can do it all the same time. Ironically I tried to arrange it that way originally but was told they couldn't fit me in...funny how they change their tune when the royally SCREW UP, eh!?

But I wonder if things couldn just once go as planned arounnd here. Is that too much too ask?!!

Patience, Worry, Frustration & PAIN: A Day In The Life of "Rotting Bone Boy!"

Went to the Doc....and surprise, surprise...there were no immediate answers to whats going on with my ankle.

But what we know is this: Somewhere in the bone, a major dose of INFECTION lies and it is so bad that it is literally EATING the ankle bone away piece by piece in my right leg.

The next two days I will pretty much spend at Oak Lawn Hospital in Marshall having Bone scans, an EKG and a multitude of other tests to try and find this culprit. 

We know for certain that I will need an ankle fusion (if there is anything left!) but they can't do that until the infection has been dealt with. The major fear here is that it has now become a race agaist time because if the infection continues on it's current course...I could very well lose the entire FOOT.

Yea...that was me you just heard yelling "YIKES!!!" at the top of my lungs.


So that is the latest....tomorrow I go to hospital at 6a for blood, noon for injections then back at 6p for the blood scan itself. It is going to be a very long day tomorrow.

More to FOLLOW-

Standing On The Edge Of Forever....(On One Freakin' Leg, Of Course!)

Bitter!? Who Me? Na....REALLY, REALLY Freaking Sarcastic? Well YEA...and who wouldn't be after all the Shit I've been going through! I just don't feel like my life belongs to me any more and the moment I feel like things might be turning toward the Sun....The proverbial Poo Poo hits the ole fan once again.

I feel like the world champion in the wallowing in one''s own POO POO Contest for like the 6th consecutive year. (Did I mention that I might be feeling just a slight bit of sarcasm this evening?)

The truth of the matter is I am really nervous this evening. As I wrote a little while ago...I got a second opinion and that Doc basically discovered major problem where the Tibia (Shin Bone) meets the Talus (Joint that sits on the Ankle Bone) and told me I have to have a major Ankle Fusion Surgery. He also did an MRI that should verify the infection that is making me so ill.

That is all fine and dandy with me...My fear is that I have an appointment tomorrow morning and I dread showing up and being told that the original diagnosis is wrong and we have to start all over again. That has been the pattern the last 4 months. I am so snake-bitten by this experience that it has tested my FAITH to it's absolute LIMIT and unfortunately there are times my Faith has been found wanting....

So tonight I honestly have no alternative but to turn to God and ask for his help...I am nothing without HIM. Today that is obvious to me but there was a time....not long ago that the statement I just wrote would have absolutely made me nauseous. I thought it was Hocus-Pocus ...smoke and mirrors stuff.

I know better now.

Fat Footed Fellow From Fresno (Not Really)

Yea, yea...I know....NOT another freakin' post about your freakin' FOOT. But there it is like a bad rash....it just won't go away.

Actually this is just meant to be a quick re-cap and update.
I had an MRI done this Monday past and that will define with certainty that the bone is infected and where exactly it's located in the foot/bone. I meet my new surgeon Tuesday and barring any surprise, I believe we will have surgery shortly after that. It is a fusion of the right ankle and a pretty major procedure.

I will follow up when I have more details...                                                                                                   

Briefly, My Friends....

I guess what I feel most strongly right now is a sense of relief that there was actually something wrong with me, seriously wrong for that matter that is documented and better YET: Can be FIXED! I was getting quite tired of people asking me what was wrong and not being able to give them a decent answer. 

A woman from church who is a major Juicer/Germaphobe/Spiritual Oils Guru went so far as to suggest to K-Sue that perhaps I was a Hypochondriac. Kind of a ridiculous statement to make when I had broken bones, multiple surgeries and the like.

I am happy to know what is wrong...now we have to determine the extent of the damage. An MRI Monday will determine if there is any infection...either way I will need a major operation on that ankle to fuse the two bones together.

Well those are my brief thoughts for tonight...see you on the morrow.....

Looks Like An Ankle Fusion Is In Order....

I had my long awaited 2nd opinion Doctor's appointment with an Orthopedic Surgeon from S Michigan Orthopedics out of Battle Creek. In all honesty I did not have very positive feelings about this or that they would find something. 

So I was completely shocked to discover that the Tibia on my right foot ( I broke the Fibula in march and had it fixed) was "smashed...completely destroyed, GONE" (in the Doctor's own word's) at the joint where it meets the foot. All the cart-ledge, etc that connected the Tibia to the Talus was pulverized and the bone was driven into the talus and essentially
fused" already. 

That explains the swelling and the pain. It looks like I have no choice but to have major Fusion Surgery...but first they suspect it is infected. So they scheduled an MRI Monday in Marshall MI to figure out if it is infected...if it is the doc will remove the hardware from the Fibula fix since it is completely healed.

This Fusion is Major Surgery and I will post later concerning how I feel about this nightmarish ordeal I have been through the last four months. It will now last another four months or more and frankly...I don't know how to face that right now. I'm in terrible debt from this last surgery/hospitalization and now it starts all OVER AGAIN?! Ach!!

Don't get me wrong...I am grateful to know that there is finally a doctor who has a freaking CLUE and can provide solutions. We'll get through somehow...

At Present...

Obviously I have not broken out of my latest aversion to writing....Actually I think it is more like I find it too overwhelming to write or blog daily. Surely this is a symptom of my Black Dog (Depression) but I also think the fact that it has become physically painful to sit for any prolonged period to write also contributes to this  whole mess in a really big way.

Tomorrow I see an Orthopedic Surgeon for a 2nd opinion but I am not optimistic that this has even a slim chance of producing a positive result. Folks...preferring death over life has become a very really and preferable alternative at some point of each and every day these last 30 days or so. I cannot begin to describe the horror of living with this pain, the fever and ill feeling and having NO HOPE that they will ever get to the bottom of it and find some treatment to provide relief. Finding a cause? Hopelessly impossible by my point of view. These are the Keystone Cops of Medicine and I somehow ended up with them.

Anyhow I am still here and would rather not write and bitch about feeling crappy every day but that is my reality at present.

I'll keep plugging along as best I can and hope that something will eventually break through on the medical,emotional and physical challenges that are kicking my ASS at this moment without let-up and with-out HOPE of improvement!

Dangerous Dancing (And on One Bum Leg to BOOT!!)

I have really been dancing with the Devil emotionally a great deal around here lately! What I mean by that is my attitude hovers much more to the NEGATIVE side of the spectrum then the positive and though I am totally aware of this and how vulnerable that can make me...yet it is still the path I've chosen. That is why I often have felt that I must have a "death wish" of sorts because i always tend to be walking the fine line between success and failure (or pleasure and PAIN).

I am not sure what the permanent solution to this periodic "flirtation" with the OLE Black DOG (DEPRESSION!) is but I certainly recognize the freaking need to Snap Out Of IT!

Right now I do my best to stay positive and take my anti-biotic to try and keep the infection at bay. The sad truth is I suspect the moment I stop the anti-biotic will be the moment the infection comes roaring back. I can already feel the infection fighting back and have been running a temp 99-100 degrees pretty much all the time unless I keep bombing myself every hour with aspirin, Tylenol, Ibuprofen and other over the counter pain relievers. They really don't relieve pain but they keep the fever at bay most of the time.

Today I have to decide what I am going to do medically and I dread it because my doctor's have both treated me in a very detached and almost sub-human manner over these last few months. A visit to either one often leaves me feeling devalued like I am a piece of worthless meat.....needless to say I pretty much hate that feeling! Tough decisions to make today....Time to buckle down.