I have really been dancing with the Devil emotionally a great deal around here lately! What I mean by that is my attitude hovers much more to the NEGATIVE side of the spectrum then the positive and though I am totally aware of this and how vulnerable that can make me...yet it is still the path I've chosen. That is why I often have felt that I must have a "death wish" of sorts because i always tend to be walking the fine line between success and failure (or pleasure and PAIN).
I am not sure what the permanent solution to this periodic "flirtation" with the OLE Black DOG (DEPRESSION!) is but I certainly recognize the freaking need to Snap Out Of IT!
Right now I do my best to stay positive and take my anti-biotic to try and keep the infection at bay. The sad truth is I suspect the moment I stop the anti-biotic will be the moment the infection comes roaring back. I can already feel the infection fighting back and have been running a temp 99-100 degrees pretty much all the time unless I keep bombing myself every hour with aspirin, Tylenol, Ibuprofen and other over the counter pain relievers. They really don't relieve pain but they keep the fever at bay most of the time.
Today I have to decide what I am going to do medically and I dread it because my doctor's have both treated me in a very detached and almost sub-human manner over these last few months. A visit to either one often leaves me feeling devalued like I am a piece of worthless meat.....needless to say I pretty much hate that feeling! Tough decisions to make today....Time to buckle down.
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