Sunday, November 3, 2013
When The Sun Set...In My Blue EYES.
Who is this Dark Shadow-Man that I have been running from all of my life? Who is the ghostly figure lingering just beyond my sight, barely out of reach, tantalizingly just a sliver of finger-tip away? A black heart beats my burial tome...minute after minute...bloody day after day.
Is it real? Or but a figment of an imagination run rampant or the mindless wonderings of a mind gone completely MAD, MAD, MAD!
My first memories were of being chased by darkness, always fighting the setting sun. One day, I knew that very Sun would set in my eyes....and then what?
Where do we go from here and is the dark, shadow man chasing me there...or trying to prevent me from going?
A life lived in constant fear represents a life not truly lived...it's survived. In my opinion, time on this planet MUST have some purpose other then simply to just survive it. I get the fact that some people suspect that life here is but a test....a survival examination perhaps. I actually believed that myself for a very long time. And why wouldn't I? Look at my life:
Unwanted at birth (I was adopted), Beaten and raped at 12 years of age, A full blown addict/alcoholic by age 17. But then I fought back, started a family, then I got married, had a very lucrative career, full of travel, put kids into college, etc...but the moment I grew to trust that life and the people in it, IT devoured me. The addiction reared it's fearsome self again, followed by divorce, abandonment, hopelessness, despair and a suicide attempt that led to a coma I barely survived.
Then a rare ray of sunshine pierced the billowing black smoke & fire...all that remained of a once vibrant man and his life. Sobriety followed, then HOPE brought with it a life as I never would have imagined. Yet this time around I certainly do not TRUST LIFE, human beings, money/possessions...or really anything else for that matter.
And I am hauntingly aware of that shadowy presence...NEVER far away who I sense wants me...ALL of me. That is the question.....will he get what he desires?!