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Tuesday, November 26, 2013

You Ain't HEAVY...Brother.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Mathew 11:28

Have you ever heard someone who is talking about their life come to a point where they felt the lowest of all lows and say that it was then that they had hit "Rock Bottom"? If you have, have you ever given any thought to what rock bottom or "hitting bottom" really means or really is?

After nearly 8 years in recovery and many years before that spent in the company of practicing addict/alcoholics...I have learned that "Hitting Bottom" is different for every two individual's "bottom" is exactly the same. Some hit it rather quickly, in a short period of time...maybe they do something very embarrassing, go to jail after being arrested for Drunk Driving or they cuss out their boss in a drunken haze at the company Christmas Party and generally make an ass out of themselves. Anyway they learn one way or another that drink/drugs isn't working for them and make a change.

Other people continue on and on until they die never ever recovering.....those people are the stark statistics....they died of alcoholism/addiction. Hey...maybe they hit a tree with their car and massive trauma is listed on the DC (Death Certificate) but in reality their disease of Alcoholism/Addiction is the true cause of death...they DIED of ADDICTION.

Then you have the toxic idiots like myself who should have died many times over because we drank & drugged so much, for so long yet it became very obvious that I was never going to die without killing someone else first...I was just going to linger on forever and ever, suffering while making everyone around me suffer too!

When I first read that scripture from the Gospel of Mathew at the top of the page...I truly didn't need confirmation about what "Heavy Laden" meant....I knew only too f**king well what it was. I knew Jesus was talking about ME...he wanted me to give up my surrender and finally, for the first time EVER...I would have REST in HIM. 

Picture: Tracy Padmos

I had carried the weight of the earthly world hard upon my shoulders most of my entire, miserable life...the Guilt, the Fear, The Resentment, the Anger, the Suspicion...I could NOT forgive those who had hurt me along the way...the 3 men who raped me as a young boy. That Rage toward those 3 individuals burned like a molten mountain of HATE that rested squarely on my back. I would have NO PEACE until I had buried those 3 bastards...literally or figuratively by forgiving them. I was a haunted, hunted man and I was sorely in the need of saving...and REST in HIM.

No man....that I am aware of was ever more ready to surrender when that moment finally came then I was. I remember thinking to myself...."what took me so long".

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