Thursday, November 28, 2013
Giving Thanks...and THEN Some!
November 28, 2013....
Today my friends, is Thanksgiving Day 2013. As I sit here at this moment, I am having a wee bit of internal conflict. Why? Well when I sat down to begin this post I guess I figured I would kick out the typical "What I am Thankful For" kind of thing. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that kind of post. I think it is important to express our gratitude for the gifts we have in this life, And I am no different then any one else...I have a ton of reasons to be thankful.
But there is part of me that feels strange just writing about that because there is no doubt in my mind that this has been one of the most difficult, uncertain and painful years of my life. It is definitely the worst year I have experienced since I got sober in June of 2006.
Not only I have suffered through some of the most severe and sustained physical pain for over 9 months now but the psychological, emotional and spiritual price that I have paid has been very, very high. Part of me will never completely recover from this nightmare...and realistically it is still going on and will continue for another 6 months or so. No matter how hard I try...my life will never ever be the same.
Every aspect has been affected from financial, to my health, to the very way I now look at people. I no longer trust like I used to....when the proverbial Sh*t hit the fan, I was totally unprepared for what happened to me. People I thought I should trust, particularly my Doctors, really dropped the ball and I paid nearly paid the price with my life when I came back from surgery/hospitalization with an infection that took over 5 months of HELLISH pain and suspicion, 3 hospital stays and a truck-load of IV Anti-Biotic to eventually knock it back....only to discover the infection combined with my Nueropathy to destroy the Tibia Bone at the ankle joint in my right leg, requiring a major fusion surgery and possible amputation.
I am certainly thankful to be alive these days though I will admit there were days when the alternative looked pretty tasty comparatively. It's true...for the first time since my active addiction I woke up on certain days wishing to GOD that I had Not! It was terrible...
A great many people literally prayed and pulled me through this ordeal but I have to admit there were some folks I thought I knew and trusted that jettisoned our friendship and I still wonder why...That hurt and really affected my trusting people in general. I've already posted about this so I won't go into detail again.
Ultimately though...this post is coming back full circle to the fact that I am incredibly grateful to be alive, reasonably healthy and surrounded by family ( but I miss daughter Chelsea and the boys though!) on this cold Thanksgiving evening here on Iyopawa Island. here is wishing you and yours and fantastic Holiday!
Photos by Kathy Tomson