Ah yes....we went back for another post-op doctors visit this morning. It has been nearly 7 weeks since the surgery and everything has pretty much gone as planned...until today. On the surface, the news that one of the big screws holding my ankle together has moved back an 1/8th of an inch didn't really come as a surprise. Stuff is certainly going to happen when you undertake such serious procedures.Actually the Doc mentioned that this really wasn't really even a set-back...that it is quite common and nothing to be worried about. Concerned...you bet you ass, BOY! But not worried...
At first I didn't let it bother me...we planned on issues coming up & I was prepared for these little "bumps in the road"...this was a very serious, major surgery with many potential complications and this was really the first time we had run into a bit of a snag. But I still was able to switch to the Cam-Walker Boot and take a normal shower now which are huge quality of life break-through's, though it will be at least 5 more weeks before I can start to put weight on it and participate in a more reasonable lifestyle.
I now realize that behind my calm and accepting demeanor before and after Surgery, I had been in reality waiting for the other shoe to drop! I suppose I am not surprised by that considering everything that has happened to me the last 10 months of this year. murphy and his intolerable and STUPID Law have run rampant over my life day after day. If something could go wrong medically, financially and psychologically well you can bet your life it happened.I have never felt so snake-bitten in my entire time here on this planet.
In my heart I know I have wavered and worried about this procedure being a failure and having to have my right leg amputated 6" below the right knee. And frankly I have known from the very start of this round of surgery that it was definitely a possibility.Honestly i really never felt like that was bothering me...yet it obviously was effecting me in a very big way.
I'll admit to being more alarmed then I would expect to be about this little shocker. Now I suppose I need to find the faith and determination to press forward...regardless of any adversity. Not that there really is a choice in the matter...the screw in the ankle has pushed itself back out a bit and there is real concern now about the long term possibilities of a complete and successful Fusion of those bones.
And because of that my old friend FEAR has once again made a dramatic appearance into my life and I am filled with doubt, concern and hesitation about moving forward with faith and determination.
We'll stop back in a follow-up post later this evening or tomorrow morning and examine if there is any particular reason One should have HOPE about this situation. Until Then...My Friends!
God already knows how this ends Thom. He's there waiting for you.
ReplyDeleteI'll see you in my prayers Brother!
Somehow it really isn't particularly comforting just knowing that God knows how it all ends because it could end with me dying a long, drawn out death from Cancer. What is comforting is knowing that whatever does happen...he is with me always and until the end. I certainly appreciate the payer...always, God Bless you...
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