Oddly after a 30 day period or so where I almost felt like I was back in my writing groove, I've begun to feel myself slide away again and rather abruptly I may add. I must slow this down because I think the sensation of sliding away in relation to my writing skills and content is in reality a metaphor that I...(as in me, Myself and I) am feeling alienated and isolated once again from those who are around me but also those very same folks who love and care for me the most.
I admit I rarely recall in my entire life feeling as tired and fatigued as I do right now. And being totally unable to move around without crutches, knee walker or a wheel chair for these past two months has been a much bigger deal then I ever expected. Just putting in a load of wash or making a freaking sandwich is a major undertaking requiring more physical and mental energy then I have to give right now.
YES I realize how silly that must seem to most people but I exist in a state of complete exhaustion right now and I rarely expend much effort even bothering to care about whatever the hell is supposed to going on in my life at the moment. Mental, physical, psychological and yea....spiritual LETHARGY. Ans it is squeezing the very spirit of joy and serenity right out of me including the ability to ever even feel those bloody things again in the future.
I would say this damn injury, now sustained over 10 months ago is still making a concerted effort to kill me one way or the other. As much as I would rather not talk about it...I endured a rather lengthy stretch of time this summer where the infection, a result of the original surgery to repair the original broken leg was so serious for such a long period of time that I could literally FEEL it sucking the very life out of me.
I could have easily taken my own life at that time and not only am I not proud of that fact...but I am deeply concerned that I came so close to that edge once again. Honestly, surviving one suicide attempt was more then enough excitement for one lifetime...trust me.
But just as I fear the worst...something SNAPS me back to reality and life seems to gather around it self...and us and for one more day...we PERSEVERE.