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Saturday, November 3, 2012

Autumn Dawn: Coldwater Lake, Michigan

Periodically throughout the year I like to capture photos from 
our front yard showing the change of seasons, always with the backdrop of the lake (and often times the Flag as well).

This has been a rather cold and wet Fall for these parts and the time frame of the years peak fall color has been very short as well. The long, dry summer with near drought conditions probably had something to do with that but basically the leaves fell in about a 30 day time period.

Still there are some stragglers and there is something intense about an the Autumn (and Winter) sky.

The last few weeks have been incredibly difficult ones for myself as well as K-Sue on several different levels...This includes the physical aspect of moving K around as she is homeless and in search of a place, to the emotional,  psychological and finally spiritual impact of stress, uncertainty and for me personally: the incredibly UNWELCOME return of the rape influenced nightmares, flash-backs and combat style dreams I have experienced so often in the past. Laying down at any time is like going to                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               into battle...seriously I scared to death to fall asleep!

I'm concerned that I seem to be sub-consciously relieving that experience over and over once again...WHY?! I'm like why in the world is this happening now...I have not gone through this intensely compressed period of nightmares/flashbacks in quite some time. My experience tells me something is askew in my life for this to be happening but honestly other then stress, sleep deprivation...all typical everyday things for me I have no idea what's going on. The only major difference is that I am going through a prolonged period of intense pain in my back, knees, hips and feet. Perhaps the pain is setting off the nightmare reaction...perhaps PAIN has been a TRIGGER all along and I never made the connection. Hmmm...that is not only very possible but PROBABLE the more I think about it.

So I may have made a discovery this cool! Anyway all I can really do is just be aware and tuned into my moods and see what lies behind these reactions and that may explain why I am reliving these experiences all over again.

So today I'll take things a day at a time and do my best to rest...and enjoy another Fall Football Saturday.

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