It's The SAME, Yet Different...

One of the most difficult aspects of recovery for me has been accepting my current situation as it REALLY is. I spent so many years in the past telling myself things were OK when they weren't. I never accepted responsibility for what had happened and as a result I could always pretend it wasn't really real and thing's would change. This was an absolutely normal pattern of living for me for decades. It was easy to justify the bad behavior and make excuses for it because I was working, making good money...those facts are easy to manipulate.

I really did live a fantasy world type existence.  I know that it is really hard for a normal (read:sober), hard working member of our society to comprehend. But one must remember that I was rarely if ever in a sober and sane frame of mind. As time wore on it got worse..the line between sane and the insane blurred to such an extent that it was no longer possible to tell the difference.

That is why today I value my sobriety clear mind and faculties as much as I do. It is such a pleasure to be able to think clearly.

The next several posts I am going to explore how difficult it was to not only make the change and get sober but the almost impossible task of staying that way...