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Sunday, January 6, 2013

Gotta Let 'er OUT!

I'm gonna let a bit of the Central/Southern Ohio (pronounced OhiAh) Redneck in me out for a while when I say that "I am really getting tired of hurtin' like this, Dagnabit!

All goofin' aside, I am really hurting today physically. I make the distinction that it is physical pain because I suffer my fair share of psychological and emotional pain as well....and of course most of that pain never goes away so it's presence is a constant w/me.

I'm not sure how much I have really spoken about my physical disabilities and limitations but since I am writing an entire post about that pain today, I figure a short explanation is probably in order. 

Essentially I was in a rollover car accident many years ago and though at the time we thought I had only suffered bumps and bruises, time has proven that initial diagnosis incorrect....but over the years I started to have more and more pain and complications until it became obvious that something was really, really wrong. After several years of treating muscular issues and telling me it was all in my HEAD, they gave in to my repeated requests for an MRI to discover a virtual horror show of ruptured disks, cracked and chipped vertebra and massive nerve damage.

In addition, I now have two damaged knees and a left hip joint that is so deteriated from limping that it needs to be replaced as well as damaged right shoulder ligaments. I have neuropathy in both feet and basically have no feeling in them at all anymore and limited use of them most of the time. I live with severe pain and physical limitation each and every day of my life and it can easily become overwhelming to the point of despair.

There are times I still wish I would just die in my sleep so I wouldn't have to suffer anymore but those super "down" times are fewer these days thanks to the strength of my faith. I now realize that this is the way it is and I have to accept it. I can still live a positive, proactive life...I can reach out and help others...first and foremost by sharing the details  of my life like I am doing today.

Living this way has really opened up the doors of possibility for me and as I just mentioned...the days where I really feel down are rare and I almost never feel sorry for myself any more. Life really IS GOOD!        

PHOTO: K. Tomson                

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