Oh yea, here it starts all over again...I release some hidden or long forgotten nugget of info about myself and it seems the whole world needs to know about it right freaking NOW in exquisite detail...as if I am saving Mankind by doing this. Now please don't get me wrong...it is not I that feel this way because I don't...but it does adequately describe the total sense of urgency I feel when this strange sensation comes over me and the words and feelings just pour out of me as if quenching a raging GRASS-FIRE within.
That is accurately descriptive of the extreme sense of urgency I feel right NOW to talk about my thoughts and feelings toward my real father. And this is after being mostly silent about HIM for the last 49 years. Why now?! I have no freaking idea why now but I have experienced this process enough in my life now that I TRUST enough to do what it suggests right away.
Then yesterday...out of the BLUE it occurs to me that I know NOTHING about the TRUTH. Perhaps my father wanted to keep me and mother was against it or her family was.
I am finding this whole adoption thing very difficult to deal with because I never had a desire to look for my parents before....now suddenly I am thinking of trying to locate my birth mother because she will have some of the answers I am looking for about my Dad.
Did he drink? Did they love one another....what did they really think bout having a kid. I can tell this is going to emotionally very hard for me but what else am I going to be doing this Winter, eh?!
So my Dear, fortunate readers...come along with me as we break down yet ANOTHER door to the inside of what makes me....ME.