Hanging On

It is strange to feel this way or really even to notice it but for a while today, life seemed much the same as it used to feel. In other words I felt normal...no sleep deprivation or shell shock expressions in the bathroom mirror with the accompanying Thousand Yard Stare. I felt light hearted, unburdened and free.

And then of course the feeling passed and I started to drag tail again...yet somehow in spite of that fact...I feel optimistic that perhaps this difficult time is beginning to pass on. A very happy boy I will be if (when?) that happens.

I do want to mention some incredibly sad news tonight For a couple years I have followed the blog of Alice, a teenager  from England who has had terminal cancer for the last 5 years called Alice's Bucket List. The reader basically follows this bright young girl as she fulfills her bucket list with the help of many people who are helping her. Her story became very well known all over England. 

She was a brave one who faced the inevitable outcome and painful treatments to prolong her life with a great attitude and good cheer. I must say I felt pretty dumb feeling sorry for myself about my little problems when this brave soul laughed at DEATH every day and made the very best of it. She often was the one cheering up OTHERS not the other way around...

I think my readers know where this is going...Alice died earlier today and I must say that I feel devastated...just heart-broken inside. Now remember, I never met this young lady and did not know anyone associated with her. But she was just so bright, lively and open about her situation....she was an inspiration and she will really be missed.

I hope the light hearted feelings of this afternoon signify a real change taking place inside of me. If anything it restored a little sense of hope that I am not doomed to spend the rest of my life locked in that terrible state of sleep deprivation. I'm hanging on folks....not gonna let go.