I written here on many occasions about my attitude, my outlook and my behavior before the bottom fell out of my previous life-style and I surrendered my way of living for a new spiritual way, based on selflessness and service to others.
None of that was easy nor did it happen over night...as a matter of fact it is a process that continues to this day. I have to work each day to practice the principals that helped get me sober and that have helped to keep me that way for nearly 7 years now.
I am grateful for the life I have but I am surprised to find that at times I still long for the craziness and chaos of that old lifestyle. And that used to flip me out. After all I had been through and all that I had put the people I loved through the notion that I would find any part of that old way of living still attractive quite frankly frightened me.
That is why Alcoholism/Addiction is listed by the American Medical Association as a disease....it is a true killer. Psychologically this diseases tells it's victim that it does not have it, in fact it convinces them to deny any problem at all. Often alcoholics will keep denying their alcoholism right into their grave.
I'm fortunate in that there has not been any doubt, I know I am an addict and I act accordingly each and every day...but still, having the mere thought about drinking , as noted above can really shake me up. The truth is it is as natural for an alcoholic to think about drinking or an addict to think about using dope as it is for the sun to come up in the morning.
Not sure why I am thinking about this the day before Christmas....actually with all the hype and the festive mood of the holiday that can go with it, I guess it is logical that one would think about partying this time of year.
Anyway...with those thoughts, I will close this morning. I imagine you'll hear more from me again later today....OUT!
Photo: Kathy Tomson
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