Saturday, December 1, 2012
So What IS Love, eh?!
One of the areas of my life where I was affected the most emotionally by my addiction, sexual assault and divorce was in the area of trust. I had trust issues before any of that stuff happened but incurring all that additional heartbreak and resentment coupled with the PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)...well it embittered me almost to the point of no return.
I initially handled that by figuring F**k-IT, everyone else can go to HELL, I don't need anyone else, I can take care of myself...I actually reveled in the notion of being ALONE in this world. Well most people realized that sounds real tough and dramatic but in practical terms it doesn't really work...I was defiant but lonely as hell. I just did not know how I could ever trust any one again...I didn't even trust myself.
Needless to say this has affected any relationship that I happen to have from the very casual, to business/professional to the romantic. It has made it very hard for Kim and I..it has most definitely been the biggest most difficult issue we have had to overcome in our 6-7 years together.
Here she has done nothing but help me, love me, try to listen to me, take care of me and I seem incapable of letting her in close. It has been a hard road but I will say one thing...I've been really honest about my fears and insecurities and that has helped allot.
We have been making progress all along. But that isn't really what this post tonight is all about.
I got an email this evening that told an incredible story of love and dedication in pictures of a young couple, probably in their mid-twenties just starting their life together. He is in the military and though it does not say, my guess from the pics is he is a Navy Seal. There is no story accompanying this pictorial...the pictures tell the story.
Basically their's is a fairy-tale Love Story...Then he gets his arms and legs blown off in action...and miraculously that is when the REAL LOVE STORY BEGINS!
These pictures tell a story of how he fought to get his life back and how his girlfriend and later wife fought right there with him...inch by painful, heartbreaking INCH. I cried, bawled really when I first saw this...I am not ashamed to admit it but I did.
I think in my jaded, heartbroken mind and heart, this is how LOVE should manifest itself in our lives...it is truly how it is supposed to BE, right? They say for BETTER or for WORSE don't they?!. Well this is for the better and definitely the WORST...no doubt about it.
It was no secret that although I knew I created most of the chaos that destroyed my marriage and nearly my life, it ultimately was a 2-way street. So I felt totally abandoned when I needed my partner the most...I felt much like I was just a piece of trash to be discarded.
In reality that was NOT the case but it felt that way at the time. She had already started looking for a home, possibly even had one picked out BEFORE she told me about wanting a divorce...that kind of thing not only hurts but de-values a person in their own mind and honestly, I felt so shitty about myself that I did not need any help!
But then I see a couple like this, where times are as tough as they can possibly be and they just stick together....no matter what.
There are several pictures where this beautiful young woman is literally carrying this bearded, muscular and still heavy (albeit he has no arms or legs) man up stairs or on the beach...it's incredible....but that is LOVE.
There isn't much more I can possibly say after seeing this. If you would like to see even more pictures check the link above. God bless these two...they give hope to many of us working our way back to love and trust...they show us through there relationship that Love really does still exist...