It BITES!

Sorry Kids, unfortunately it is just more of the same sickness mumbo-jumbo from the old, worn out author here at Shell Shock Serenade. Unfortunately one of the aspects of my disability is this ongoing illness related to my digestive and respiratory system's that are in fact unrelated to each other but both were caused by the many years of drug and alcohol abuse. And they both are a huge problem for me now.

I am always more reluctant to talk about being sick because it sounds to me like I'm whining and making excuses. But it is a legitimate aspect of my illness and one I think I need to expand on perhaps a bit more to accurately portray the reality of my day to day life. I don't think people realize how ill I really am and what that means for me on a day by day basis....honestly, at times it's HELLISH.

Part of that Hellish reality is that I get Pneumonia a couple times a year and it eats up about 6-8 to 10 weeks of my life. They are calling this Bronchitis at the moment but give it time, I lived through too many of these episodes...it will be diagnosed as Pneumonia before Thanksgiving. I've been through it all before. 

I run fevers all the time, have various rashes, can't urinate unless I basically stand on my head (kidding of course but not by much!) and my dietary tract (Esophagus, Stomach) along with my bladder, intestines and bowel are all a complete and total mess. And this is the best I've felt in years!! I went to the MAYO Clinic in Rochester, MN for over a week and they were able to identify all these issues but couldn't find cures, just various ways to treat the day to day symptoms. It looks more and more likely that this is my reality for the rest of my days...some times when I am alone and thinking about this it does NOT seem worth the trouble fighting so damn hard to stay alive...but then the mood shifts and hey...I give it another day. 

So I am feeling not only physically lousy tonight due to illness but my psychological state is in the dumper as well. Yea, yea...it will pass...it will, I know that and like always I'll grow from the experience in some way but I sure get tired of it!


Good Night All, see you tomorrow....

Photo: K. Tomson