Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Not Even CLOSE To Good Enough!
I suppose today would have to go into the victory side of the equation....IF we were to keep score of how each and every day of our life turned out. Life almost seems like a life and death game of survival and that everyday we are playing for keeps....so why not tally up the score, eh. Everything else in the world is competitive today...so why not simply living!?
So today I would call a technical victory because first and foremost we survived to live another day...living another day is obviously necessary to continue playing this "GAME" called LIFE, right?! In my "old life" that used to be enough...just surviving. But honestly today it is not enough...I expect much more from myself. Hence the "technical" victory...a true or "FULL" victory requires much more then survival.
And that is why I have been feeling down, somewhat discouraged and disappointed...because I have slipped enough that I was starting to accept mediocrity again as being good enough...just getting through the day used to be a goal, a win....Well it is NOT good enough anymore, not even close.
Today I demand more of myself then just getting by. Why? For starters.....my life depends on my willingness and ability to help others. To go the extra 10 miles to make it right, to sacrifice comfort and privilege, for pain and suffering so that others can be free...free from their addictions as I have been released from the prison of my addiction and the impossibly, chaotic life of self-will run-riot.
I have detoured lately because times have gotten rougher then I thought they should so I started to feel sorry for myself...instead of having Faith, trusting God and moving forward as I have been doing the last 6 years. I was forgetting what saved me initially and what has kept me here...clean, sober and living a spiritually based life focused on helping others.
As the ship that is my life is getting turned back around in the right direction, I can already say that I feel more at ease. I just need to keep my eyes focused on God and take each day one at a time...things seem to come out ....WAY MORE then OK...when I do!