Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Silent Sadness & Tear-Filled Waterfalls
I mentioned in the post from earlier today that a close friend was having a Heart Cath. procedure and that did indeed happen this morning with positive results. The issue now is that there is some concern about his Atrial Artery and he needs some tests done tomorrow to clarify exactly what they are dealing with so he still remains hospitalized for the near future and could be looking at additional treatment, which may or may not include surgery.
So we wait for the word to come down about his situation.
I now believe that I am getting a visit from my old pal the BLACK DOG (Depression)...It's funny, I knew I was feeling melancholy and detached but it wasn't until today when I realize I could not shake the overwhelming SADNESS that pervades every nook & cranny of my being. That is how the BD manifests itself with me...in the form of a major sheet of sadness, like a huge blanket smothering everything positive and light...I suffocate in silent sadness and shed a waterfall of invisible tears.
It is like the hurt inside, sat dormant for so long that it built up as if behind a dam and eventually the built-up sad feelings spilled over and I'm drowning in my own mood and experiences....There seems little I can do at this point except hold on for dear life and pray...so that's the plan.