Sunday, Sunday....oddly it is now one of my favorite days of the week. During the last few years of my career while overseeing a group on 3 shift I dreaded Sundays because I had to wait around all day and evening to go to work at 9p at night. It was an awful schedule, I was completely and totally bankrupt by the end of my days at Herman Miller...emotionally, physically, psychologically and spiritually bankrupt. I was not even running on fumes so my eventual collapse into chaotic and insane behavior seems almost logical as I look back with the benefit of hindsight.
No human being can be expected to endure a physical and mental strain of that magnitude brought on by the stress and strain of working such ridiculous hours. I had become completely isolated from friends, from family and from life itself by the very nature of working nights and especially working 12 plus hours a day.
I had no support from my spouse at the time or anyone else living with me then....everyone in my household at that time went about their own business and I
began to really resent their freedom while I felt I was sacrificing for them. It really fueled the anger I was already feeling deep down to the very depths of my soul.
Now I didn't expect people to change their entire lives around just for me, especially my kids who were really exempt because they are not responsible for maintaining the household. But even today I think that spouses have a sacred duty to support one another...especially during such a demanding and difficult time. And in my experience I rarely see that happening...I suppose that is why my opinion of marriage is so low. I basically do not see the point for most marriages...unless it is an absolute commitment to each other in front of GOD I think it's hollow, a house of cards and will collapse. I just don't believe in marriage without some HIGHER purpose.
It is a lesson I learned the hard way and as K is now working some ridiculous hours at her new temp job, it has motivated me to go to any lengths I can to help make her life more reasonable, to support her...to love her. I wait up for her to get off work at 1:30a and make her dinner. I have adapted my schedule to hers as much as possible and try do what I can to ease her daily burden...whether that means running her errands or doing her shopping well then I do it. And it has helped.
K's working 6-10 hr days...3p-1:30a M-Sat. She has already been told that they will hire her after 90 days so we are motivated as a team to keep her working there.
I do want to say that I don't blame my X for my job stress, our divorce, my alcoholism or anything else...it is just a simple fact that there was no support for my working those hours, I was on my own to take care of it...living virtually in a vacuum completely isolated from the people I care about and society as a whole...It is what it was.
Plus I know now that you cannot live life in a vacuum...that you need to reach out to people and that was not something that I was very good at. Today of course is a much different story.
PHOTO KT
I absolutely agree that spouses should be there for one another and take the wheel if the other one is going through a rough time. I also feel that communication is key in relationships - I have been in situations where both my spouse and I felt like we were at the end of our ropes, but the difference was that I asked for his help and he did not ask for mine. I was left ignorant as to his stress, which in turn enabled him to resent me for it. I think it's wonderful that you are being there for Kim.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, I wanted to let you know that I have decided to move my blog to a new domain. I can now be found at msfaustus.blogspot.com and hope to see you there :) Everything else, including my writing and e-mail, will be the same.
Have a great day, my friend.
Chris
Thanks C, I suspected that I would hear from you about this post. I've already been to your new site so rest assured I'll still be around!
DeleteI remember when my dad was working nights (as a cop) mom would modify not only her schedule, but our to a degree, so that he messed as little as possible of our lives, while still getting the rest he needed.
ReplyDeleteIn my own life, I have always maintained that I don't need to understand or share my partner's goals in order to be supportive of them - if it is important to them, that's good enough for me.
But as Chris said, no one can read minds, and if you don't tell your partner what it is you need in order to feel supported, sometimes they honestly don't know.