Like many ideas I get for blog post topics this one came from commenting back and forth with another blog author on her blog...in this case it is one of my absolute favorite blogs (Chaos and Kairos) and one of my favorite bloggers:Chris.
It is not a new or original idea at all and frankly our commenting back/forth just reminded me of the topic and that I probably should address it on the blog.
So what you are likely see in the next few days/weeks/whatever are some posts on the various aspects of regret...regret for past behavior, the value of life experience gained during active addiction, the human cost of addiction (relationships) and other aspects on the subject of regret/guilt and I will try and answer the much debated questions was it worth it and would you do it again?
Those last two questions are a bitch to answer and a huge dilemma because the TRUTH can be so complex and frankly, the answers to those questions can be rather ugly if one is completely honest about it. We don't like to admit that we would do it all over again...even if it meant creating the same chaos and pain as in the past.
It hurts to admit that we addicts often LIKE most of our experiences when we are drinking/drugging and it was ONLY when the price of that addiction got TOO PAINFUL that we gave up and threw in the towel to get help.
The people who love us, that we often hurt the most, don't want to hear that we often aren't as regretful as they think we should be. And they really don't want to contemplate the impact when we say we'd probably do it all over again.
Because it is such a selfish, self serving point of view that we have.
These are some of the issues dealing with the guilt, regret and value of experience that I am going to further explore over the next few posts. It is an unpleasant subject to think about because if you are truly honest about it you will discover things about yourself that ain't pretty.
Well hold on folks...the Brutally Honest Train is leaving the Station...all ABOARD!
PHOTO:KT
Haha it did not take long for the post to materialize :)
ReplyDelete"It hurts to admit that we addicts often LIKE most of our experiences when we are drinking/drugging and it was ONLY when the price of that addiction got TOO PAINFUL that we gave up and threw in the towel to get help.
The people who love us, that we often hurt the most, don't want to hear that we often aren't as regretful as they think we should be. And they really don't want to contemplate the impact when we say we'd probably do it all over again."
This absolutely resonates with me. I am still dealing with backlashes of my actions in the past couple of years, especially my U.S. episode. I was always aware that my actions had consequences and was prepared to deal with them if the sh*t hit the fan. But the consequences of hurting those you love... What I wouldn't give to take those back.
I think our loved ones do know that we are regretful, but the quality of our regret is rather qualified and doesn't really translate well. They don't really owe it to us to understand either, but those who do are heroes in my opinion.
I look forward to your upcoming posts. Have a great day.
Once I have the seed planted in my mind, it is almost as if I HAVE to write it. And I actually like it that way because I never really procrastinate...
ReplyDeleteChris you absolutely nailed it when you state that you believe our loved one's know we are regretful but the quality of that regret is rather qualified and doesn't really translate well. And because it is such a sensitive and tender issue to begin with, I believe our reactions and behavior are scrutinized to such a degree that we can never truly meet their expectations of regret and remorse...however sorry we really are. And perhaps that is as it should be...it 'tis our cross to bear, we are responsible and accountable.
They don't owe us the understanding either and I couldn't agree more that those who do are exceptional and I love them dearly for who they are.
You have a wonderful day as well...