Like many ideas I get for blog post topics this one came from commenting back and forth with another blog author on her blog...in this case it is one of my absolute favorite blogs (Chaos and Kairos) and one of my favorite bloggers:Chris.
It is not a new or original idea at all and frankly our commenting back/forth just reminded me of the topic and that I probably should address it on the blog.
So what you are likely see in the next few days/weeks/whatever are some posts on the various aspects of regret...regret for past behavior, the value of life experience gained during active addiction, the human cost of addiction (relationships) and other aspects on the subject of regret/guilt and I will try and answer the much debated questions was it worth it and would you do it again?
Those last two questions are a bitch to answer and a huge dilemma because the TRUTH can be so complex and frankly, the answers to those questions can be rather ugly if one is completely honest about it. We don't like to admit that we would do it all over again...even if it meant creating the same chaos and pain as in the past.
It hurts to admit that we addicts often LIKE most of our experiences when we are drinking/drugging and it was ONLY when the price of that addiction got TOO PAINFUL that we gave up and threw in the towel to get help.
The people who love us, that we often hurt the most, don't want to hear that we often aren't as regretful as they think we should be. And they really don't want to contemplate the impact when we say we'd probably do it all over again.
Because it is such a selfish, self serving point of view that we have.
These are some of the issues dealing with the guilt, regret and value of experience that I am going to further explore over the next few posts. It is an unpleasant subject to think about because if you are truly honest about it you will discover things about yourself that ain't pretty.
Well hold on folks...the Brutally Honest Train is leaving the Station...all ABOARD!