Thursday, September 13, 2012
If Not Love...What Is It, Then?!
Love. The word love is a commonly used word, it describes probably one of the most desired or sought after "States of Being" know to human kind. People certainly doing crazy stuff in the name of love...they even murder for it. It is THAT significant.
My intention tonight is not to do a post about what love is or isn't or how or what it means. No....I just now started to wonder if I have ever truly "been in" love before. One of my blogging buds wrote a beautiful post the other day about her new love. It is intense and beautifully written and frankly I believe every word of it. I think she really feels the way she describes....
But after reading the post I got to thinking (yes, yes..I know how freaking dangerous THINKING is for me) that I don't recall EVER feeling anything remotely close to what she is describing here which is obviously LOVE and the act of two people falling madly, magically in love with each other.
I have had a number of significant relationships throughout my life (other then Kim and my 2 marriages) and as I think about all of them only my second marriage and the relationship I have now stand out as special and stand the test of time. And yet as I just mentioned...I felt no magical melting of my heart or sparks showering down from the Heavens. I felt great, special and all warm inside but it wasn't "life altering" as far as the feeling...in reality they both were and are life altering but I never felt that when those loves were NEW.
Some of this could be unrealistic expectations on my part compared to the expectations of others. I do consider myself an emotional person and one who has never had any trouble expressing his feelings so I don't think I have any emotional block that would prevent me from feeling that intense so who knows what the deal is?!
Now I know I'm being a bit sarcastic, caustic, cynical and cranky here about this subject but seriously there was NOTHING that intense in my experience. Perhaps the blogger is exaggerating...I absolutely don't believe that is the case...I have heard others describe there experiences in a similar way.
Maybe I have just never actually been in love before...maybe it wasn't real after all. I don't know I just got to thinking (see...thinking is ALWAYS trouble for me!) and this is where I ended up. If it isn't LOVE then it is the next best thing I suppose....PAIN.