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Saturday, November 27, 2010

No Matter What

As I live my life today I have come to understand that ultimately I am the one responsible for what happens to me. I cannot control any one's behavior but my own and I offer no excuses. I screw up sometimes and it's up to me to be accountable for that when it happens. Sure, I can disagree with the actions of others but in the end my life is mine and I have to accept responsibility for it. What somebody else does is their business. And I have no control what so ever over what they do...I'm powerless.

The above concepts have been some of the hardest for me to accept and practice as I have tried to live a life of recovery today. In the past it has always been so easy to blame others....I can't afford to do that today. The key is accepting the things I cannot change, changing the things I can change and having the wisdom to know the difference between the two.

Again that's the rub. Knowing the difference. It's gotten easier to identify over time: If it has to do with any one's behavior but my own, I can't change it and  I must then find a way to accept that fact. That does not mean that I agree with them, nope. It just means I can't make them do what I want them to do. How many times I've tried to change people, to no avail. It just doesn't happen and I end up frustrated, hurt and angry. But I can change myself, my behavior and how I react to things. That is a key to serenity and an important one at that.

And it's difficult ...I've made a lot of mistakes along the way. I let things get to me and then I lash out emotionally.....that's really the last thing I want to do but it seems to come naturally for me. But again I have to be accountable and own my own actions....try to do it better the next time around.

I've mentioned this before but I have a buddy that often says that he is going to have a good day no matter what. How can he do that? How can he make it a good day. He isn't God, at least I'm pretty sure he isn't, lol! How? By accepting things the way they are and deciding that he is going to have a good day regardless of the things that happen. It is a choice...happiness. If you base your happiness on external things....possessions, stuff going the way you want it to go, other people, etc. I think you will end up being disappointed. That is just my experience.

I blogged the other day about having unrealistic expectations as far as the holidays go, as far as relationships go....that's my responsibility. Those were choices I made, I expected things to happen a certain way and when it didn't, well I ended up feeling hurt and disappointed. I should have known better and next time, I best change my expectations or the past will repeat itself...simple as that. 

So today, I'm going to have a good matter what! How about you?

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