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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

State Of Me

I'm having a rather tough time dealing with my recent health issue, IE: Pneumonia. I've done what the Docs have told me, I've taken ALL the medication and taken it as prescribed (critical for a former junkie who actually used to abuse Aspirin, among other things!! You know, if the directions say take 2 every 4 hours then I take 4 every 2 hours because it will work faster, NOT!). I've done my best to eat healthy, etc. And yet I still don't seem to be getting over this respiratory issue and it's frustrating.

Frustrating and yea, it concerns me some as well. Specifically the difficulty breathing and extreme fatigue are what worry me right now. Gasping for air while sitting in a meeting for an hour scares the living the shit outta me, I'm not the least bit afraid to admit that. Having no energy to lift me arms to get out of a chair, just stuff like that...

Doc says those are not unusual symptoms but it's been going on for quite a while now, several weeks for sure.

The only benefit I can see in all of this, as I've mentioned before is that I've slowed down enough to do work on this blog and more importantly, to appreciate the little things that I am so grateful for.

3 years ago I had no real home of my own to speak of....and though I rent now I feel so much a part of everything here on the island. I have a sense of place I don't really ever recall having at any time in my life. It's the connection to the spiritual side of things I notice and appreciate the most.

People and relationships are very important but they are not everything. It's been easy in the past for me to look solely to others to make me happy and of course it never happened. I have no control over what folks say or do. I've found much peace in letting go and by doing so letting those people I care about just be themselves. Just like I want to just be who I am...

I know, this sounds like another "preachy" blog but honestly, I'm only preaching to myself. These are the lessons I need to learn and continue to pay attention to. So I suppose I just need to hold on, take things a day at a time and stay positive. Not a bad approach anyway I suppose...

1 comment:

  1. If you have taken all the meds and still aren't feeling any better .. is it possibly there is a message your body is trying to send to you? Not to get all "woooo-wooooo" on you, but is it possible there is an issue that is suffocating you, or something you need to get off your chest that you haven't had the ability to actually say, anything like that?
    Just a thought ...