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Wednesday, June 6, 2012

My Only Problem Was That I Was Still Alive

About 6 years ago I was in the Hospital in Holland MI waking up from a really bad face an even more NIGHTMARISH reality: I had survived my suicide attempt. My answer for all my troubles, for relieving family/friends of all MY Final Solution....had failed miserably and I was left to face the fact that I had to try and LIVE.  It turned out that GOD...that Bastard wasn't going to let me off that easy!

It was BY FAR...the worst moment of my life waking up and realizing that I wasn't dead.  I had no idea what I was going to do...NONE. I was so afraid, lonely....and ALIVE. I didn't know how to proceed...I had no place to go...all that was good at one time in my life had been destroyed by my addiction. I was a hollow shell of a human being...a Hollow Man, morally, physically and spiritually bankrupt.

And now the only sensible thing that I could think to do, Killing Myself... had failed. What was I going to do? I clearly remember that early morning and the long day that followed in my hospital room pondering my future...frankly I still thought all was lost...I was hopeless.

Little did I know that in my darkest moment...the dawn of a Brand New Life.....was just around the corner.

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