Thursday, June 28, 2012
Time Sprouts Wings
It is pretty early (4am) on Thursday morning and we are running out of days in June, 2012. It happens to be the 28th so we only have a couple left. Yes...it's cliche and quite common to say but it truly seems as if Time Flies...regardless of whether one is having fun or not!
(I could not resist posting this little blast from the past...It truly represents my drinking philosophy to a T!)
That has certainly been my experience since I have been sober and in recovery. The days are full, life is at worst pretty darn interesting, chaotic yet sane and sure...we have had a few challenges....but the one constant is that the days move on...and rather more quickly then one would really prefer, at that.
Even though i readily acknowledge that life seems to be flying by I would never say that I feel like it's "passed me by"...no way. They are two distinctly different things in my book. I will admit that particularly near the end of my active addiction there were times when I seemingly was content to drink until DEATH came and got me. I had basically STOPPED living and given in to the idea that dying was best for all concerned.
I'm not embarrassed to admit that any time I write words such as those... describing how I thought and felt....it makes me feel like crying. I find it so hard to believe today, it is just so very sad that it had come to that.
On the other hand...there is obvious joy in knowing that it did not end that way...that I lived and found the Simple TRUTH that SAVED ME. Yet there are still moments...little tidbits of regret. I know one has to move on or this can destroy you but I know in my heart that no one starts there life's journey and plans for that kind of end.
That was one of the most difficult things about recovery and continuing to stay sober....I can continue to carry great guilt and remorse around with me if I'm not careful...Believe me, that I could not afford to do....I needed to let go of that and move on. That is one area of many that I rely on my faith to help me keep things in perspective...and it has worked for me so far.
So I as a rule make the best of the time I have. I cannot change the past....I can avoid repeating the mistakes of the past and for the most part I continue to do that on a continuing basis and it's working.
I start each day with the notion that I will live it to the fullest...that I won't give in to temptation and that I will never forget where I've come from.