Winnie, Black Dogs and DAWN

I did a great deal of thinking today and honestly I couldn't tell you one single relevant thought that stuck with me, haha. And I am serious when I say I was seriously thinking about things because there are some pretty important decisions I need to make and it is pretty much my process these days to ponder things well ahead of time, weighing the pros and cons.


So I do recall what I was thinking about....I even jotted a few notes on several subjects but again, I have no memory of anything signifiant that I recall.


So is that old age, too many burnt out brain cells from my self destructive past or am I just not all that interested? Truthfully...it could be any or ALL of the above.


I have days and today was certainly one of them, where nothing really catches my eye, holds my attention or stimulates me. I'm disinterested and I think fatigue....mental and physical just may have set in. I've felt this way since yesterday...no energy and no passion. It is something I for one really have to keep an eye on...because true, prolonged disinterest, fatigue  and lack of passion often indicates a visit from my friend Winston Churchill's Black Dog.


I always have to be on the look out for signs that something may be outta-whack, like my falling back into a state of Depression. There are other concerns I am on the look out for as well...any signs that I may be heading for a relapse back into active addiction. Prevention is really the only sure-fire way to truly promote a healthy and continual sober life in recovery.


I really think from my experience over the last 6 years or so that what I have happening the last couple of days is just fatigue derived basically from not getting enough sleep, exercise and from prolonged exposure to high heat.


I am starting to feel a bit better this evening so we'll see in the morning how it goes. 


So until then, GOOD NIGHT.