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Friday, June 22, 2012

What Can I Say?!


At first I wasn't going to comment about Jerry Sandusky and the fact that he was just found guilty on 45 of the 48 counts he was on trial for.

I did watch some of the news coverage and frankly it made me feel sick inside. As the Attorney General for Pennsylvania was speaking there was all sorts of clapping and cheering going on like the prosecution won some sort of football game.

Listen you dumb-sh*ts...NOBODY won anything in this horrifying mess, in fact..everybody loses. All the self-righteous media and the idiotic clappers in the crowd will all pretty much forget about this a few weeks from now but those boys won't. Oh they "get" to sue and become rich, some lawyer will convince them. Hey I'd love to be instantly wealthy again but I know from experience that no amount of $$ will make the nightmares go away...or the fear, the hurt and the SHAME.

They will be asked about this now until the day they die. In my heart I hope it helps them feel better, gives them a chance at a better life but deep down...I can't see it making any difference at all. Somehow I must believe that at least one but more likely more then one of those guys will die at his own hand or because of alcoholism or addiction.  

I don't even know what to say about Sandusky...he's easy to hate, he is a monster clearly for what he did to those innocent boys. But I am not gonna judge him...GOD will do that. The man clearly is in denial, doesn't believe he did anything wrong....I hope he discovers TRUTH behind bars, it's never too late to change what you are inside. He has that and ONLY that to look forward to.

I go to bed tonight thinking about the guys he hurt...I'm reluctant to use the word victims because I hate using that term on myself but obviously that is what we all are. Still I think about what it must feel like to see the person who hurt you brought to justice like this. I no longer have the rage and hate inside of me towards the 3 men who attacked me but I would like to see them still brought to serve time but I no longer want them dead so badly that I would do it myself.

Anyway those are my thoughts tonight...I don't feel any better really...there will be more people just like him I'm makes me shudder inside...and out.                                                                   


  1. I thought about you when this hit the news.

    I cried my eyes out for a good hour. I'm happy he's going to jail, but it still doesn't erase anything.

    I wish health an healing to anyone who has to go through such a living hell.


  2. I will say this C and I'm am very sincere about it...I never would have guessed how much writing about those events here, sharing the story with people like your self and some of the other wonderful regular readers of Shell Shock would help me heal from that awful experience. It really has made a difference...people have reached out to me ever since I began blogging openly about being raped that day so long ago in reality but oh so recently in the space between my ears.

    Your comments here are a perfect example of what I mean. To be able to be open and honest about how it felt, what happened and how I feel now is such an incredible gift, it really is.

    I think this Sandusky/Penn State thing has really shaken a lot of people up because it exposed for everyone how this kind of thing can happen and continue to happen seemingly in broad daylight and though so many people knew about it or some of it, the "Tickle Monster" was allowed to run rampant for over 15 years using his status as a member of Penn State's Football Program to lure in children and their unsuspecting parents. Maybe a wee bit of something good can come out of this and people will now be more suspicious, more empowered to do something about it next time before it is too late.

    Thank you again C...Peace!

  3. Hi T,

    I've been away for awhile and am just catching up with the blogosphere, as well as the news. You know my connection with Penn State, and I have been anxiously following the trial via the interwebs - perhaps not having access to American TV is better for me at this point. It still feels surreal, it will always be horrific, and I cannot even begin to imagine what life will be like for the victims from now on... Which brings me to my small point here in this comment: I heard Eve Ensler speak a few years back, and when she talked about violence against women, as well as her own terrible experiences with it, she used the word "survivor" and never mentioned the word "victim." This had not even occurred to me until now, but you know how I study language and how the words we use shape our perception of things. So, instead of labeling the "victims" with feelings of helplessness, fear, and shame, perhaps we could start seeing them as survivors? God knows that is what they truly are.

    1. It is interesting that you mentioned that because that is the "politically correct" description of rape and abuse victims at the moment and has been for quite some time.

      When I first went to therapy for this back in the late 198o' we were strongly encouraged to use the word survivor for ourselves and others and there really is something empowering about it. By my cynical nature has turned on this word to even though I agree that its better then victim.