Thursday, February 9, 2012
I Love You Babe!
Kim is my best friend, my girlfriend, my partner...most readers here at the SHOCK are aware of that. Through-out the thread of over 1100 posts I've written for the blog is probably the story of how we got together and how it came to pass that we are together now. Typically I wouldn't discuss a personal relationship in any detail here and that really isn't my intention today. But I am so proud of K-Sue and how far she has come that for me to adequately give her a proper "Atta-Girl"..I sort to have to explain where she and I came from.
Of course, she hasn't a clue that I am doing this. Honestly I am not trying to write a biography here so I am going to keep it short....
K and I met in 2005 at an out-patient drug/alcohol rehab. Slowly but surely we became friends. There was a lot of speculation among family friends about our relationship then but mostly we were partners in using drugs. I basically was on a suicide mission to end my life in a blaze of glory (pretty sick, eh?!) and K-Sue came along for the ride. For a solid year we pretty much snorted a fortune of cocaine away. Easily over 50K that final year in drug experiences. I was lonely and to this day I'm not sure what her motivation was but we became boyfriend and girlfriend but honestly our priority was the COKE. IT was INSANE and I find it hard to believe that we are even still alive today when I think about that time. No exaggeration...it was that intense, that crazy, that insane.
Kim actually saved my life back then during an overdose as well...we actually kept each other alive because no human body is meant to withstand THAT kind of abuse!
We tried to straighten up...I took her to rehab in Kalamazoo then i tried to kill myself. It was almost a year before we saw each other again. I had gotten sober and she had not. Over the next few years until the present time, we were the closest of friends...though we never became boyfriend/girlfriend. For one reason or another I could not go there...
I had so much wreckage to work through.
Kim came from a background very different then mine. I had two loving parents that are both still alive today. I tell people in all seriousness about Kim: She is the only person I have ever met who basically from birth was told that she was stupid, that she was no good. Every day of her life that notion that she was never good enough was reinforced by her family and it's sickening to me today to think that actually happened. I wouldn't have believed it except I saw it for myself and it still goes on today...it is heart breaking to see. When she got divorced her entire family TURNED ON HER! I have never in my 50 years seen a person who was treated so callously by those who were supposed to love her. Again I could not believe that anyone could say and do something that cruel to a person who is as sweet, caring and loving as K-Sue is...it's TRAGIC and SAD.
She later told me that was her attraction to me...I treated her as an equal, I loved her openly, respected her, listened to her, gave her credit just for being herself. It broke my heart to hear that and to witness the pathetic behavior that still goes on in her family today.
That is why I have so much respect for what she is doing now. She has had no support except for me, my family and the friends she has made here in Coldwater through recovery circles and now through church. People that meet her usually like her and think she is nice...they have NO IDEA of the HELL she has endured to get here.
As I write this, she is out once again interviewing for a job. If she isn't able to find work soon, she will have to pack it up and head back to Holland. That would be tragic...
I have never seen someone work so hard to find work. She has put in probably a hundred applications since she has been here in town. She goes to interviews all the time but it's tough. This part of Michigan was a tough place to find work BEFORE the economy went bad...it's incredibly difficult now. Yet she's out there as I write and you know I think something is gonna happen. She is due...believe me. I have never seen a person that never has gotten a break..she never has. She's due.
So let's hope today is the day. Shoot I hope she forgives me for writing this post!!