Why do I pray? Why read scripture? Why believe in a supreme, loving Creator? I guess for me the answer lay in the fact that in the 30 odd year period where I was not only practicing my active addictions but living a life solely based on ME: My desires, My brainpower, My choices...well the end result of that little experiment in playing god all by myself was a catastrophe to put it mildly leading directly to a suicide attempt that eventually provided the catalyst for my surrendering my will and my life over to the care of GOD.
The intellectuals and any one else can laugh or mock...but my experience has definitely lead me to this place and I am wholly committed to it. I don't have anything to prove to anyone..i know in my heart what is right and I can't begin to describe the feeling I have each day...I have finally come home into the arms of a loving Creator after living a life solely for selfish gain and satisfaction...in the end I got NOTHING but heartache, fear and hopelessness out of that deal.
I am still a little shy about proclaiming my FAITH but it gets easier as my life changes in such incredibly miraculous ways.
In closing I just wanted to through something out there that I have found comforting. It also answers the questions posed at the beginning of the post about prayer and scripture. Prayer and scripture for me are critical because they are one way that I directly connect and communicate with GOD and he communicates with me. YES...the God I believe in talks to me on a daily basis...sometimes it's through something someone else says to me. Others times it's like a whispered prayer on the wind...it just comes to me and I know I am NOT alone. I know that I NEVER have to be alone again...I cannot begin to describe how that feels to a fellow who felt as isolated, forgotten and alone as I did back then. An oasis in the Emotional desert of LIFE...
The following are several verses from Psalm 34 that starting a couple days ago I have recited out loud (in a private place like my car for example) that give me hope and let me know God cares about ME and me personally. These were first recited to me by a dear friend and Brother in CHRIST right before I went into surgery last summer on my stomach and they are extremely comforting to me even today.
If you are someone who has never had the opportunity to read the Psalms...well you don't know what you are missing. I'm not convinced you even have to be a Christian or religious to benefit from these amazing verses. They are not only beautiful to me but the message of reassurance that God is there for ME, fighting, protecting, holding me ever so close even in my time of great fear, loneliness and despair. So I leave you this morning with an excerpt from Psalm 34 NIV:
17The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.
21 Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The Lord will rescue his servants; no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.