Thursday, February 2, 2012
Adversity often can impede a person's ability to fly, to grow, to change to live their life to the fullest....yet, it can also create a situation where those very same things become enhanced.
Sure, you are never going to get me to admit that I like the "struggle, pain and adversity" part of life more then the "wonder, joy and freedom of it". But I am certain that the adversity enhances the good and takes one places far beyond one's initial ability to see it...
I am a better person overall because of my struggle with addiction, because of the suicide attempt...because I have experienced death and grief so often at such a young age. A am more compassionate, more understanding, more loving because of the adversity...no doubt about it. I am not saying that a person must suffer to achieve these things but in my particular case...that was certainly what happened!
When I first got sober and now that I think about it even long before as a young man I very much related to the Myth of Icarus...the waxed winged one who ignored all warning and flew too close to the Sun only to DIE. I often felt drawn to that story and that idea of always conquering the SUN as the ultimate goal, in achieving it one finds ever-lasting life. Of course that was my own distorted take but imagine flying close to the Sun?
I think in my own way I did do that and I've not regretted it really because their is a special gift this life does have for those willing to risk EVERYTHING. and yes, I will always add that I regret the pain that my choices in the past have caused those people I care about but as for me...well this was and IS to this day the only way I can LIVE: FULL BORE OUT!!
That is why I blog about my life in recovery and hold NO detail back no matter how embarrassing or painful. I know in my heart this is the ONLY WAY for me and it's the ONLY way my story may help somebody else...if I am totally open, transparent and HONEST. Today the difference is the presence of LORD in my life and the GIFT of the HOLY SPIRIT...I know with CERTAINTY that in the end all will be right..I don't know how, I just know it will work out. Oh WAIT a minute...that's called FAITH, eh!?? You Betcha!!!
I was reading a FaceBook thread one of my friends had commented on and it was an intellectual and his very determined, personal attack on Christianity. He was a highly intelligent guy but for all the so called sense his rational dismantling of Christianity had...he was still unable to address or account for the unexplained things that occur to people who believe and DON'T Believe. The miracle.
I for example did not originally seek then choose Christianity...no, I REJECTED IT much like this fellow has and really my rational back then was quite similar. But there are unexplained things that happened... I lived when I should have DIED. There is no rationalization for that. And it was experiencing those type events in my life that turned me away from the pure intellectual pursuit to follow a HIGHER CALLING.
I do not feel lost, I do not feel weak...no I feel STRONG...I have NO DOUBT, No FEAR....for FAITH has replaced those things and I am more then ready once again to try that flight skyward...this time to the SON
(Painting- The Lament for Icarus: by H.J. Draper)