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Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Serene Machine of a Human Being

I have written here many times about the fact that I am a recovering addict/alcoholic and that my existence before I came into a life of recovery basically was a life that was all about me and MINE. I was convinced that the world revolved around me and furthermore that it SHOULD always revolve around me. I did not cope with situations where things did not go my way very well...even if it was something that was totally unavoidable...I would lose my mind and rant and rage about it.

The reason this subject is on my mind today is because, as most readers here know...I have been with out a furnace (and I live in cold, snowy Michigan) for the better part of a week. Today is the day they are installing the new one AND....of course this is a problem...a MAJOR problem at that. The Air Conditioner needs to be replaced, right NOW of course and that is going to prolong the job, not to mention drive one elderly man I happen to know in Florida right now (my father) who is going to go ballistic when the furnace guy gets a hold of him with this little bit of unexpected news.

And that is what had me thinking about myself and how I WOULD HAVE dealt with this in the past. Oh MAN would I have been angry and when I got a case of self-righteous anger brewing I could (and can be a) really be a first class JERK. I'd be all over this guy suggesting that he basically is  messing up my life and he should be working around the clock to fix it. Why? Because they had the freaking NERVE to mess up and interfere with my drinking and that my friends was a first class sin in the religion of ALCOHOLISM...of which I was a dues paying life-long member!

To function as I did successfully for so many years  while still drinking required that I really have things down to a routine so they basically took care of themselves. So when stuff like a furnace breakdown occurred, man I was up a certain CREEK with out a paddle. I did not handle unexpected adversity very well...I would get really angry, throw a fit and make everyone around me upset. All because this new thing was messing up my was inconveniencing me!., I was a joke, I really was and I could make everyone else miserable for absolutely no reason what so ever. I am happy that today I just let it run it's course. I didn't even blink when the guy told me a little while ago about the problem. Obviously there is going to be a delay and the house is going to be turned inside out. I just thanked him for the update and                ask that he keep me in the loop. I like living this way a whole LOT's easier of the constitution AND on the SOUL.

Hey, I still wish it hadn't happened this way but really...what are you going to do, huh? The Air Conditioner is broken and it is NOT going to get better on it's own.I still have to chuckle though because I never used to be this calm about anything so I'm  kinda digging this right now. That's called SERENITY folks and I can only get that from maintaining my relationship with GOD. I tried other ways to do it...nothing else worked.  

I'll update more on the continuing furnace AND Air Conditioner SAGA later today but for now it's lunch then NAP time for this "Serene Machine of a Human Being"....that would be ME!

1 comment:

  1. The other night I was in the presence of someone who was so agitated that I could feel the vibrations and nervous energy starting to eat away at me. I don't know how people survive each day like that, but they do. So... yep, that's the word of the day, "serenity". I was thinking of it earlier today, and then I popped over here tonight and voila, there it be.