Thursday, July 12, 2012
The Floodgates Are Opened and TRUTH Runs Out
I will share a little secret with you my dear Shell Shocking Friends...9 times out of 10 I haven't a bloody clue where this stuff that I am writing comes from. The perfect example of this was the post I wrote last night. I was really just posting to sign off for the night. I had no planned agenda yet there was all this stuff stirred up inside of me.
It's like the moment I begin to write I am opening an invisible door that allows all this emotion and information to just come pouring out of me. That is exactly what happened last night. That turned out to be a rather hard post to handle after I re-read it. I went further in sharing information then I truly wanted to go. Not that I regret it, I don't...I'm proud of the post that followed.
Let me explain....
Let's face it, any regular reader to this blog knows that there is very little that I am afraid to write about here on Shell Shock Serenade. I've opened up the most private corners of my life for the whole world to see with the singular HOPE that by doing so I may be able to help someone who is going through a similar experience. This is never easy to do and often somewhat embarrassing and painful, both emotionally and physical.
But the point is to try and help someone who needs it...Or at least by sharing my story let them know that they are not alone in feeling the way they do. I remember feeling so isolated and cut off...so alienated from society as a whole. Knowing I wasn't alone would certainly have helped me.
But even though I willingly share this information doesn't mean that it is easy for me to do. It can be embarressing to admit some of this stuff but I buckle down and do it because I think it's the right way to go.
But I have found that writing about my beliefs in reincarnation, going all the way back to when I was a wee lad, is perhaps the hardest thing for me to discuss with other people. I will write about my addiction or being sexually assaulted before I will post about my early beliefs that I had lived a previous life. It is a difficult and confusing subject and was really hurtful to me as a young boy to have these horrifically realistic combat dreams and not know what to make of it.
I tried to communicate to my parents what I was dreaming about but they are church going Christians and I believed they wouldn't understand or be very happy with me. So I never really told them the truth...just that I had they took me to see a shrink who was medicating me...which was the LAST thing a blossoming junkie needs at age 10!! They also did a sleep study.
So that subject is still a difficult one for me and I am always amazed when I happen to write about it here because I NEVER intend to...it just happens by accident. I guess I am still fearful that people will laugh at me.
Very early on in the first 6 months of this blogs existence I wrote 4 or 5 posts that were seemingly little fictional short stories about a soldier in the Great War. In reality what they were are direct accounts of some of those dreams I had as a boy.
I don't remember the titles so I would have to look these up but if anyone is ambitious...be my guest and try and find 'em. They are really kind of spooky for me to read because they still are real "events" to me when I look back on it.
Basically I just went and did the same thing today that I did yesterday...I was going to write a short, probably meaningless little blurb and here I have gone and tapped back into this "forbidden" subject again. Oh well...it's the truth as I know it and it 'tis my story and I am sticking to it.
I'll see if I can locate those dream accounts from my youth and post them here as well. Stay cool (if you are n the HEAT WAVE ZONE)!