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Thursday, July 26, 2012


Another "news morning" dominated by the Penn Sate Story and how severe the NCAA Sanctions are. Frankly this story is getting as much if not more play then the Aurora, CO Movie House Shooting...which I find shocking. Only because it is an older story and having 12 people gunned down in a movie theater is so unprecedented, I thought it would dominate the news.

Originally I thought of the PSU/Jerry Sandusky Story as mainly a sports story. I now see how far reaching the implications are and the potential for impacting a huge segment of our society is quite great. This is going to be difficult to state with out it sounding contrite or as if I am minimizing the damage done but as tragic as this story is, the long range impact of all this exposure generated by these 10 victims coming forward might actually achieve something really positive out of this great tragedy.

What I mean is this has changed the way average Americans react to rape and in particular male on male rape and has been that powerful of a LESSON. Men molesting boys is now out in the open and no longer just a dirty little secret. It is no longer the exclusive domain of a few sex-starved priests and their Church covering up for them.

This may very well have changed forever how these type of events are handled by institutions, the workplace and in schools in the future. Perhaps no one will EVER be able to "look the other way" about abuse or rationalize away rape again...what an amazing legacy that would be. But, no amount of positive change that may result from this event will ever change what happened to those 10 will NEVER make it  worthwhile....But they can rest assured that by speaking up they have changed how America and it's people will deal with these kind of situations in the future...they forced the hand of the BEAST...and won. THEY most definitely have made a DIFFERENCE by speaking out.

Believe me, I have questioned myself many times over whether I should be so open about my own experience's but in the end I could not get over the fact that by speaking up...I may actually help someone heal or get help or file chargers or better understand what has happened to them or have a wee bit of HOPE that they too can live through THIS...that they can survive.

Because that is not a sure thing to a person who has experienced feels as if the whole terrible, nasty experience will devour one from the inside out. Because a person's head can play some mighty sick tricks on them and a rape victim can actually start to feel responsible for what happened to them....that they somehow CAUSED this to happen. Most of us go through a stage where we at the very least question our actions. 

This can be especially true when boys are raped or molested by men because it seems so implausible in this 'macho" American society...Males aren't supposed to let this happen to ourselves. We should be able to fight our way out of it, stop it and fight the good fight, so to speak....even as boys.  But instead we are over-powered and raped. It feels so dirty, so incredibly wrong and there is no one to turn too because people do NOT want to believe this is true. They assume that there HAS to be some misunderstanding.

It often happens that people suspect that you are gay and actually wanted it to happen and then got upset after the fact....they look for reasons to excuse the behavior. That was particularly true for me because of circumstances of my sexual assault but in actuality was the farthest thing from the truth.

What happened in Happy Valley is the Norm folks, not an exception to the rule. Company's, schools and yes CHURCHES wiggle out of this kind of thing all the time...ask the Catholic Church...they've become expert at protection and deflection...using scape-goating as a last resort. 



  1. So very well said. I never thought about it in the way you explain about boys being expected to fight them off - they are "men", and "supposed to" be strong, etc.

    Another brave post, that will help many.

    Hugs to you,


    1. Thank you Christine...that is high praise coming from someone who certainly is brave in her own right. There are more and more of us each day, speaking our own truth, telling the world what happened to us. Honestly I used to feel so ALONE speaking out...I don't feel that isolation nearly as much any more.

  2. I agree with you, the Penn State scandal (I feel so dirty and trivial for using that word) and Sandusky's conviction indeed seems to have rattled everybody's cage to a much greater degree than previous cases involving the Catholic Church. I wonder why that is, though. Do you think it might be because the Catholic Church was/is a very specific, identifiable, finger-pointable 'enemy' so to speak, but the Sandusky case showed that aggressors can pretty much come from any rank, even the supposedly most trustworthy ones? It seems to me that the Penn State story showed that violence is violence no matter who commits it or under what circumstances, and that there is no justification for looking the other way.

    This was a powerful post, one of those I love best in your writing. I have learned so much from you. Thank you.

    1. C-Thank you for your incredibly kind..much too kind works.

      I think to a certain degree Americans have come to expect it from the Catholic Church and their sex-depraved sick as that implication is. The Church as an Institution has controlled and covered up the extent and the details for generations and no one has a clue how much a part of church culture molestation and rape truly is. That it is widespread and still out of control goes without saying.

      I strongly believe this media coverage will have some long lasting positive results but it is only just a sliver of a beginning.

      Thank you again Chris for your wonderful support....T