And Then They Are Me

I often wonder what a child really sees. What do they think about it and how do they feel when they are seeing it?  Will they remember anything about it when they are an adult? Those kinds of things pop in my head and make me wonder....and I wonder a lot.

I do not have instant recall of my childhood memories. No, they are more like "snapshots" in time, little mini movies in my head. I also recall certain smells...my Mum's Meat Loaf or Cookies, Grandma frying bluegill....both of them could fill the house with the wonderful aroma of good food. I can still picture them in the kitchen at our house in Worthington, OH or at Grandma's place in West Lafayette, IN.  Both have their aprons on and the kitchen is a alive with activity. There was a rule, you did not loiter or linger in the kitchen, oh no! If you had business there, you did it and quickly moved on or else you'd have to explain yourself. Uh, no thanks! But still, I was facinated by what took place in there, it was magical....



I always seem to picture my father in the middle of doing something. Even if he was sitting in his chair in the family room, there would be stacks of papers strewn around, articles cut out and various pens, paper laying about, a full ashtray. I still see him on the old green riding mower circa 1969 circling the yard here on the Island. Back when the old cottage still stood. Again MAGIC: A magical place in a magical time...my Mind's Eye is like my own little Disney World in my head.

I recently visited my grandsons in South Carolina. And I would find myself looking at them for long periods of time, wondering what are they seeing? What do they think or feel right now? What is really there behind those thoughtful, innocent eyes? It literally melts me right here as I write, thinking about those two young boys, my "GRANDS", the wide open future as it were.

How will they remember me? That matters, 'ya know?! It really matters, to me anyway...I only knew two of my grand parents and they were my Dad's Mother & Father. Both of my Mum's folks passed on long before I was born. And my Paw Paw (Grandfather) died when I had just turned 8 yrs old so though I do remember him, those memories are fleeting and often are just shadows in the mists of my memory.

That makes me feel even more strongly the importance of my bond with those two boys. They mean so much to me, perhaps more then they will ever know but I hope not. I hope we spend so much time together that there will never, ever be any doubt in their minds how much their grandfather loves them.

I've often tried to describe how I see them, how I really feel about having Grandchildren. Other then the usual "I love them", "they mean everything" kind of statements it is hard to truly express where they fit into my life.

So as I look back through the shadows of my past and see the little boy that was me, I also begin to see two new little boys join him in the woods at Aunt Betty's house. Or on the Green hornet as dad pulls us around Coldwater Lake in the old Empire with the 40 horse Evinrude. I can see us running together down by the Olentangy River in Worthington and jumping off the old pontoon boat out in the deep water here at the lake during summer. We laugh together as we sit at the dinner table in the cottage as my Mum and Grandma fry Bluegill and make pancakes for breakfast and we see how many we can eat. We eat until we almost explode....

Hey...I see it. I'm think I'm starting to know now what all of this might mean. I think that those boys, those two amazing little boys, my grandsons are slowly but surely becoming....part of me.