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Friday, December 31, 2010

So I Smile...

I have often written about change here on this blog. I embraced change out of necessity, desperation really. Back in the Summer of 2006 it became painfully obvious that if I didn't make some changes to my life immediately, well I was in big trouble already but things would indeed get worse.

So I proceeded to try and make a single, solitary day at a time I began to try and live my life free of booze and drugs. It has never been easy, not even close but the results....well, I have a life I enjoy living today. That's about the best way to look at it.

But as drastic as all that sounds now, ultimately when it came time to make that decision to sober up it was an easy choice: All I had to do was recognize that I either make that change or I was going to die. That simplified things quite a bit.

Since that time, I've become somewhat accustomed to making change as a way of life. It was and is a necassary for me to look at myself and my behavior on a daily basis and accept my deficiencies then try to do better next time. It works for me and keeps me focused on looking forward and living positively.

But it has never been easy for me. Some change is obvious and easy...some most definately is not. And there are times that even though deep down in my heart I know I'm headed in the right direction, that it is still incredibly painful for me to change the way that I have been living.

Yet life must go on and it will. But there are days where I want to just stop this whole train of life and simply get off...because it is so hard to live a life of accountability to one's self. Yet I chose this life and I made the right decision for me, for my life. So I accept that pain and heartache sometimes are part of the deal. And so I smile a little bit to myself and move on to another day on the planet...

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