Beach Ball Belly

I'd like to think of myself as a fairly motivated person, certainly motivated when I want something but in general I'm not really a lazy guy. But I have to say that I find losing some of what I call my "sobriety weight gain" has been much more of a challenge then I really expected.

I understand that I have some limitations in the kinds of exercises I can do but I don't believe that really is the cause of my difficulty. Nope....that would be a relatively new addiction (the last year or so) called binge eating ice cream and cereal.

I can't just have one bowl of cereal a day...nope, not this guy. I have to have 4 huge bowls of Honey Bunches Of Oats, geez sometimes it's the only thing I eat all day, well that and 2 apples and an orange. (I'm not too neurotic, am I?!)  A nutritionist told me that eating that much grain obviously isn't good and that it basically turns into a cement or paste like substance during the digestive process then just lays there like big  piles of goo  .

And the ice cream, well I actually have a bit more self control there but if I do get on a roll it can be ridiculous (and disgusting.). Several big bowls a day and always 1 right before bed. So something has to give, right?

I am one of those people that is fairly slender everywhere except my gut. Every bit of weight I've put on since I've been sober has seemed to congregate in my belly. It looks ridiculous and frankly I'm getting concerned about it. And it's not just a "little" bit of weight...no, it's like 50 odd lbs over 4 yrs. Honestly, I look like I have a rather large beach ball under my shirt, it's frightening!

Back in June of 2006 I weight around 148lbs. For a guy who is 6'1" that means I was extremely thin, to an unhealthy degree. Of course I had been on the 8-ball a day Cocaine diet for the better part of a year so it's not surprising I was so thin. I had starved myself, literally.

It is not unusual for me to fluctuate in my life from one extreme to the other. I have never been good at moderation. If I do exercise, I always over exert and then hurt to much to continue. I also have some unusual physical reactions to food that I believe have been a result of doing such extreme, abusive things to my body. I'm very prone to nausea, I get overly hungry , feel faint and my hands shake and I just can't seem to find an eating pattern & diet that seems to work for me over the long term.

So I am basically writing about this to motivate myself to find some healthy compromise. Perhaps someone else has had a similar weight issue, I don't know. I just feel that if I put my desire/commitment in print it somehow feels more formal or in other words I feel more determined not to embarrass myself...

So now I'm off for my daily 30 minute winter ride on the recumbent exercise bike while watching the Mike and Mike Show on ESPN2....