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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Watching The Wheels Go Round and Round...

One of the difficulties of living a life in recovery is watching folks you really care about struggle to stay sober themselves. For some, a life of continuous sobriety always seems to hover, just out of their reach.

It's heartbreaking to see someone I really care about, go through the vicious cycle of cleaning up, only to relapse again and again and again. It reminds me of my own trials and tribulations and that's hard to accept. And the Addict/Alcoholic never goes through this process alone, nope they drag their families, friends, co-workers, etc., full of hope that this time it will really work, back through the mud and mire of addiction time after time. 

There isn't a magic potion or pill that takes this awful disease away. It just doesn't work that way. I truly wish that no one would ever have to feel the way I felt, to experience that same misery and hopelessness that I did. But life certainly isn't fair and that's the way it goes sometimes. People fail to find sobriety and they die. And this is in spite of the very best efforts of the people who love them the most and are doing everything in their power to help them...

The flip side of that coin, of course is watching someone who just a few short months ago was experiencing that very same helplessness and hopelessness discover that they can actually live sober. We Alkies are always the last to get it, believe me. We think we can't do it only to realize some where down the line that one day at a time, we have been living a life of sobriety. In my experience, it's truly like watching a resurrection. People coming back from the dead.

Sounds like a bunch of overly, dramatic hooey huh? I thought so too but this Doubting Thomas gets to see this happen fairly regularly with his own eyes and yea, it's really true. People can be hopelessly addicted to drugs and/or alcohol and find a way to live a sane and sober life. What a trip that is....

I try to capture and  share what that dramatic change is really like through my own experiences, bit by bit on this blog. I can honestly say that it isn't an easy thing to explain...because there often is no rhyme or reason to who finds sobriety and who doesn't. Often, the person who seems the most likely to succeed, doesn't. And the opposite is most certainly true as well. How can that be? I haven't the slightest idea, I just accept it because that's the way it goes... For me, today it's truly as simple as that.

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